-Alicia

A. Well, Alicia, you are not alone in your opinions. I received many complaints for telling Jessica to stop liking a non-Christian guy. Whew! That hit a nerve!

"How can it be a sin to love someone?" my readers cried. "God tells us to love everybody! Stop hating non-Christians!" my readers reprimanded.

Let me clear up this misunderstanding: I agree with you - God wants us to love non-Christians. Let me say that loud and clear: LOVE NON-CHRISTIANS!

But (you felt a "but" coming didn’t you), what does it mean to "love" someone? There are many different kinds of love. In my column to Jessica, I was only talking about romantic love, not any other kind of love. Romantic love is different than other kinds of love. And God has strict rules governing romantic love.

So, while God urges us to "love" everybody, He does NOT urge us to love everybody romantically. I think you’d all agree with me. That would be pretty absurd, wouldn’t it? Do you want to have a romantic relationship with your mom? I don’t think so. But does God want you to love your mom? Yes, He does.

When God tells us to "love" our enemies, He is telling us to be kind to them, to have compassion for them, to treat them with mercy. When God tells us to "love" other Christians, He is telling us to love them like they are part of our families, like they are our brothers and sisters. He is certainly not telling us to love our enemies, non-Christians, and fellow Christians with a romantic kind of love.

You say that Jesus loves and accepts those who are not perfect and so should we. You are half-right and half-wrong. Jesus loves everyone, but Jesus does not accept everyone. Jesus will not accept any person into the Kingdom of Heaven who has refused to trust Him as their personal Savior.

This is a very good illustration that applies to Christians dating non-Christians. We love everyone, yes, but we do not accept everyone into our lives to have intimate relationships with us. And the very most intimate form of human relationship is a romantic relationship. In fact, God uses marriage to illustrate His relationship with His believers. He is the groom and we are His bride. This kind of "romance" with God is only for believers.

As I mentioned before, when it comes to romance, God has some very strict rules. You can’t just have a romantic relationship with anybody you choose! For example, God forbids you from having romantic relationships with your parents (Leviticus 18:7-8; 1 Corinthians 5:1) or other close relatives like your aunts, uncles, brothers, and sisters (Leviticus 18:6). God forbids you from having romantic relationships with animals (Leviticus 18:23). God forbids you from having romantic relationships with someone who is already married (Hebrews 13:4). God forbids you from having romantic relationships with members of the same sex (Romans 1:26-27).

So, is "love" ever wrong? You betcha! When you’re talking about romantic love, there are lots of situations where it is wrong according to the Bible.

I believe that a romantic relationship with a non-Christian falls into the category of romances forbidden in the Bible. However, let me be the first to acknowledge that the Bible does not specifically say, "Don’t date a non-Christian. You are sinning if you do." The Bible never mentions dating, since the idea of "dating" did not exist at the time the Bible was written.

However, I believe the principles contained in 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 teach us that we should not get involved in romantic relationships with non-Christians. For a more detailed explanation of this passage, please see my previous column "Is it Wrong to Date a non-Christian?"

As for the argument that you can witness to someone by dating them, I don’t buy that. Let’s assume that it is wrong to have romantic relationships with non-Christians (you’ll have to study the Scripture for yourself on this issue - I’m just telling you what I think). If you are disobeying God by dating your boyfriend, then you are saying with your actions that God isn’t very important to you. God is not worth obeying. God is not worth loving. Is that the kind of message you want to send?

God says, "Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us." (1 Peter 2:11-12)

God specifically tells us that it is our good lives - our obedience to Him - that will help win over non-Christians. Sure, sometimes it works out where a Christian and non-Christian hook up and the one eventually becomes saved. But that’s only by the grace of God. God never ever says that’s it’s okay to disobey Him for a good cause. Besides, you don’t need to have a romantic relationship with someone in order to witness to them.

My suggestion for those who break up with their non-Christian boyfriends is to find someone else who can witness to him after the break-up. And I’d recommend that person be another guy, maybe your youth pastor, maybe a guy from your youth group, maybe your own father.

In conclusion, let me again urge you all to love every person with Christian compassion and charity. But don’t confuse Christian compassion with romantic love.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? You know how to reach me!