In the previous article I explained how today’s anxious parenting style is harming our children by creating fearful, narcissistic, and anxious children. Sadly, Christians with the best of intentions are leading the way to this wrong direction.

Let me explain. Are children aren’t becoming wimpy because we’re teaching them to be humble and training them to embrace patience. They’re going out into the world as wimps because we parents are ignoring the broader counsel of God, pushing away character traits that make us uncomfortable and pretending that being disengaged from the world is actually about holiness and purity, when more often it’s about fear, lack of preparation, and a lack of love.

Many of us have been following a set of principles that’s incomplete at best. This dangerous worldview, this outlook, is no one person’s creation. It’s no one denomination’s fault. It’s what ministers are told is the central thrust of our faith, the main principles to emphasize on any given Sunday. It’s what many of us have believed makes us believers. I call it The Official Script.

The problem with the Official Script is that it overemphasizes certain character traits at the expense of other important character traits. Here is a telling example. Jesus told his disciples that he was sending them into a dangerous world, as if they were sheep living among wolves. His advice? “Be wise as serpents, innocent as doves” (Matt. 10:16). He told those who dared to follow Him to be both streetwise and sin-free. Don’t hurt people, but don’t be a sucker either. But right now, the majority of sermons that parents and children hear are about becoming innocent as doves. The wisdom of serpents is largely discarded.

Because of this, we are ignoring God’s broader council, lopping off entire facets of truth about how life is meant to be lived—about what our heart and mind are to become, and about the choices our will is to make. I can’t overstress this: Usually our human intentions in all of this are for the absolute best. Nevertheless, by whatever name we call this way of life—Fortress Faith, Barricade Belief, Castle Christianity, Ivory-Tower Idealism— what we’re actually doing is replacing love with fear, goodwill with criticism, joy with anxiety, hope with worry, and strength with silence.

We’re often either marginalizing or largely eradicating such rugged virtues as wisdom, shrewdness, boldness, and courage (Interesting, the word Jesus used for wise in Matt. 10:16 can also be translated as cunning or shrewd. And courage’s opposite, cowardice, is listed in the Bible as a sin, equal with faithlessness, murder, fornication, sorcery, and lying [Rev. 21:8]). These aspects of integrity require an active and assertive approach toward life—but many Christians think being assertive is wrong. As a result, we’re bringing up our kids to be so sweet and compliant that I wouldn’t be surprised if the federal government and armed forces commissioned studies to determine whether or not children who grew up in churches are capable of defending our country. They may be forced to create another kind of Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell policy.