From what dark corner of our nature do these savage blasts come? What lies behind such warlike words? It's a mind out from under the control of the Spirit. It's the lust of our flesh that we read about in Galatians 5:19-26.
Beloved, there are four essential factors of marriage that must be in place before good communication can happen. If you work at these four essentials, they will provide a solid basis for positive communication that leads to a strong, healthy marriage.
Uphold the priority of your marriage. That's the message of Genesis 2:24: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife." Our marriage partner is to come before any other human being. Everyone else falls into the background-including our parents.
Is your mate number one in your life? Or do you allow parents, in-laws, relatives, friends, business associates, or even children to take the place intended for your spouse?
If you want to keep your marriage strong (and free from regrets!), the relationship between husband and wife must take priority, second only to a relationship with Christ.
Uphold the permanence of your marriage. The word "join" in Genesis 2:24 means to glue together so that two become one. In other words, marriage is to be permanent, lasting, not to be undone in this life. Jesus Himself commented on this Old Testament teaching in Matthew 19:6 when He said, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." God declares that couples must remain firmly committed to each other until the moment death parts them.
Uphold the oneness of your marriage. Genesis 2:24 also says of the married couple, "And they shall become one flesh." This oneness is not merely physical. Because my body is the house of my soul, marriage is also an emotional or soul oneness. And because my body is the home of my spirit, marriage is also a spirit oneness. This profound union-physical, emotional, spiritual-is an essential factor in marriage. In God's eyes, you and your spouse are one in every way.
How many of our difficulties in communication would vanish if we stopped to ponder this oneness-of-flesh before we opened our mouths?
Uphold the openness of your marriage. Before the Fall, Adam and Eve enjoyed complete openness, for they "were both naked and were not ashamed" (Genesis 2:25). They hid nothing from each other. They shared the fullness of their hearts without a thought of concealing the least feeling or desire. We would say they were totally transparent with one another.
But the moment they fell into sin, everything changed. Openness was a thing of the past. Immediately they concealed themselves with fig leaves. They put on a protective layering to cover their nakedness, and the total openness they had always enjoyed instantly vanished.
In Christ, we can recover some of the openness that Adam and Eve lost in the Garden. Transparency between marriages partners is not easy to develop, but it is well worth every effort.
The truth is, each of these four essentials takes a lot of work to uphold.
When you uphold the priority, permanence, oneness, and openness of your marriage, you lay a foundation for godly communication that cannot help but solidify and energize your marriage relationship. You'll find yourself speaking words that build up rather than tear down.
Kay Arthur
Host, Precepts For Life
Co-CEO, Precept Ministries International
