Does God's plan include only one particular perfect mate for everyone? You know, like in
Kip, Napoleon's scrawnier, geekier brother, never abandoned the dream of finding his soooooouuul mate. Finally all his "chatting with babes online" paid off. Praise God for La–Fawnduh!
But back to the question:
Does God have one special person for you? Or could God have several people in mind—any of whom could be great for you?
In my heart, I want to believe the romantic answer: "Before I was born, God created Amy just for me. We met. We married. Now we're living our happily ever after." It sounds great. But I don't believe that's how God works.
Look at it this way. Do you think God puts the pressure of tracking down that one specific, "right" individual on you? And if you miss the right one, too bad—you can only choose a wrong one now. What if you marry the wrong person? You'd blow the whole system. With one "wrong" marriage, hundreds, thousands, millions … even billions of lives could be thrown into a tailspin.
Let's say God has planned for you to bump into your special someone tomorrow, while shopping for Double Stuf Oreo cookies. This is your chance. God's been planning this divine meeting since long before you were born. Everything is perfectly in place. Your future spouse is scheduled by God to be at the same store, at the same time, shopping on the same aisle.
You wake feeling especially close to God. You dress in your best grocery–shopping outfit and head for the local mega food store. Walking past the cereal toward the cookies, you see someone. Wow! Could this be … ?
You come closer. Your eyes meet. You're about to speak. Your voice freezes. You panic. You choke. The moment passes. And so does the other person.
Nooooo! (This is the frustrated, fist–shaking, movie–hero–who–lets–the–bad–guy–get–away kind of "no.")
Disappointed that you didn't have the guts to speak, you grab your Double Stuf Oreo cookies and sulk to the checkout lanes. And in heaven God frowns and thinks, Good grief. I had everything set up…and you blew it! Now you're destined to get fat eating Oreos all alone.
I lived in fear of a similar scenario. Would I make a mistake and miss an opportunity that could guarantee my future marriage? What if I missed God's moment?
Once, when I was single, I saw an attractive girl at a mall, ice–skating gracefully to Christian music. For some reason I began to wonder if she was going to be my future wife. Finally, scared I'd miss my chance, I flagged her down. When she had glided over to the side of the rink, I asked her if she'd go to church with me. Instead, she invited me to do something to myself that I can't print in this book.
Yeah, she wasn't the one.
Fears like this are reinforced by the good–intentioned yet bad advice that floats around in the Christian community. And this advice, this "one and done" mentality about your Two, can actually keep you from having a marriage that goes all the way.
Many devoted Christ followers sincerely believe that no matter what they do or don't do, God will bring them mates. It's the "Magneto–Mate." Somehow "we'll just be drawn together." (That's like some misled believers who say, "I don't have to work. God will provide for me.") These ill–informed believers don't make any effort. Many don't go to places where other believers might be, and they don't try to improve their relational skills. Some don't even take care of their appearance. They just sit around waiting … hoping … trusting God for a mate but never taking a single step in that direction.
Others are on the opposite end of the spectrum. Instead of waiting passively, they adopt a formula mentality: If I do a + b, God will deliver c. Many believe, If I do everything juuuust right, God is obligated to bring me a mate. Sincerely desiring to spend their lives with another, these believers religiously engage in daily devotions, rarely miss church, faithfully tithe, and remain sexually pure, hoping to get some leverage on God from their good works. If they dot every spiritual i and cross every relational t, then surely God has to produce Mr. or Miss Right. (Sure, these disciplines are important, but we can't reduce God to a cosmic Coke machine—push the right button and you get what you want.)
