On a recent Saturday afternoon, I was once again sitting in front of my laptop computer. I'd been working most of the day on a talk for an upcoming singles conference. By 5:50 P.M. I finally came to a stopping place and realized I desperately needed to get outside the four walls of my living room.
After checking local movie listings online, I called my friend Jill at 6:00 P.M. to see if she was free for a spontaneous outing. At 6:19 I picked her up. And at 6:30 we were watching Ratatouille at the local cheap theater. Who knew three bucks and 30 minutes are all that's required to conjure up a much–needed night of laughter and friendship?
Likewise, several times during the brilliant Indian summer my corner of the country enjoyed, I called my friend Kim on a gorgeous Saturday or Sunday afternoon. This summer, Kim sublet an apartment only a short walk from Lake Michigan in downtown Chicago. When beautiful weather beckoned and my to–do list could wait, I asked Kim if she was up for a spontaneous visitor. Good friend that she is, she always said yes.
I hopped in my car, and, 45 minutes later, Kim and I were walking toward the lake, stopping for iced coffee or sandwiches as the spirit so moved, and finding a great spot on the lakefront to settle in, catch up, and soak in the sunshine and great people watching.
Practicing spontaneity: It sounds like an oxymoron. But I've been doing it lately nonetheless. Seizing spur–of–the–moment opportunities. Feeling the pull of the current moment and dropping everything to go with the flow.
My singleness certainly plays a role in my new love affair with spontaneity. While visiting my sister and brother–in–law and their two kids (the niece and nephew!) last month, I suddenly saw anew how much planning and work and snack distribution are involved in any activity during that life season.
One day during my visit, I went shopping with my sister to pick up a HomeGoods gift card for our mom's birthday. After all the buckling in, singing along, retrieving of shoes that mysteriously always come off in the car, holding hands, looking both ways before crossing the street, going back to the minivan to get Carson's beloved stuffed friend Puppy, digging for Kleenex to wipe runny noses, pulling breakable items out of harm's way, and answering "What's that?" 17 times, I was exhausted. And full of fresh appreciation for how easily I usually go about my days.
I needed that revelation. Sometimes, after so many years of singleness, I have to dig deep and be very intentional about finding the good aspects of this life stage. Whoopee, I've got the remote control all to myself. Wahoo, I can hog the whole bed and all the covers. Some days these perks feel like wonderful guilty pleasures, and other days they just seem silly and insufficient.
But suddenly my single life seemed lithe and nimble and spontaneous. And I felt grateful for each opportunity to work this perk of the single stage.
So last Thursday night I called my friend Kathryn, who runs a business down the street from my home, to see if she wanted to hang out at the jazz club on our shared block. Fifteen minutes later, we were deciding between the grilled Brie and the sea scallops appetizers. And my singleness once again felt empowering and abundant and free.
I think practicing spontaneity has spiritual benefits as well. When I feel God nudging me to call and encourage a friend, or prompting me to pursue a new ministry, I want to readily drop everything and follow his lead. To not deliberate as I'm prone, usually thinking everything into the ground. To not be so tied to my plans that I can't ditch them for his.
Surely part of God's plan is for us to make the most of where we are—learning to be content in any situation, choosing to revel in the blessings he's given us today.
Now, if you'll forgive me, I need to pick up some pizza and head to my single–mom friend Michelle's house. She just e–mailed me about wanting some company tonight. And I jumped at the chance to hang out.
Because in this season of life, I can. And I'm learning what a delicious gift that freedom is.
We welcome your feedback and brainstorms at: SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com
