There was a time when the burning question, "How far is too far?" immediately brought to my mind the concept of sexual temptation in dating relationships. You know, questions about the gray area between hand-holding and sex.
But recently the question of "How far is too far?" has taken on a whole new meaning—in short, what lengths is it okay to go to in order to get into said dating relationship? When you desire to be in a relationship and already have checked out all the prospects in your workplace, church, and neighborhood, what do you do?
Possible answers to that question seem to beckon every time I get my mail (I'm not quite sure when single ceased simply being my status and also became a way to greet me … as in Dear Single), turn on my computer (as in Looking for love? Click here!), or flip through a newspaper (SDCM seeks SCF for friendship … maybe more, and the like).
In fact, a recent Friday night found me at my favorite coffee shop browsing the personal ads in a local paper with two single friends (one of my favorite guilty pleasures). Occasionally one of us read an especially lovey-dovey or ludicrous ad to the others. And once or twice a heavy sigh might have escaped my lips when I read one that seemed tailor made for me. I've gotta admit, I've been tempted to reply to one or two of these. But some nagging reservation holds me back.
When I'm really honest, I know it's a bit about my pride. I fear people will think I'm desperate for responding to a personal ad, and I wonder why my married friends didn't have to resort to an Internet dating service—when that sometimes seems like my best option. What does that say about me? Not to mention the whole idea that finding my lifelong love via a newspaper or computer isn't exactly the stuff I'd imagined telling to my grandchildren someday.
But really, I can get over these mental hurdles (and any lingering doubts were quickly quelled when a friend oh-so-helpfully pointed out that becoming crazy spinster Aunt Cam someday if I don't use any of these services would far overshadow any momentary embarrassment now). It's a different nagging issue that really holds me back, an issue I heard echoed when I was chatting with a group of single friends this past weekend. One of the women, a friend of a friend who was visiting from out of town and who told us that in her corner of the country the single population is quite sparse, wondered aloud if taking advantage of these Internet services and personal ads is at all akin to lacking trust in God and his timing. I breathed a silent amen. I admit that often I'm not sure where my role ends and God's begins in the whole locating the love of my life issue.
Does the fact that I've yet to marry mean God still has things for me to learn and accomplish in this season? Or does it mean I just haven't run into the right guy for me yet and need to keep my eyes open? Would allowing others to set me up on dates or taking a class in order to meet new people be a logical step for one who desires to wed? Or would that somehow signal a lack of trust in God's higher ways and different timetable? And was that month I signed up for an Internet dating service proactive or just pathetic?
Some singles compare looking for a mate to searching for a new job: We pray for guidance while simultaneously perusing want ads, circulating resumes, and going on any job interviews we can land, all the while trusting God to open the right door. Others, such as one Single File reader who wrote me a few months ago, give God a much larger role. This reader asserted that if God wants her to be married, that even if she were stranded on a desert island, he'd still bring her Mr. Right to her. (Though at that point, I would hope her priority would be a boat, not a man!)
Of these two options, I lean more toward the first. When I look at the Bible and the way God has traditionally worked amidst his people, action is usually required on our part. Joshua and the Israelites had to wade into the Jordan before it would begin to part (
