We, the growing new breed of singles in our thirties and beyond, are carving out a new niche in our churches and society. And I fear that in attempting to legitimize our life station, to make it independent, strong, and three-dimensional, we've also made it somewhat shameful to desire to leave it one day for the married life. Often, as an unmarried woman who values her independence and who often preaches full-bodied single living, I've thought I'm not supposed to want to get married, that it's somehow a sign of weakness. And if there's anything we're still loath to admit, even in our Jerry Springer-loving society, it's the presence of an unmet need or perceived weakness.
What followed with my friend that day as we snarfed our swirl cones was a refreshingly honest conversation about what it means to be a strong single (namely, an ability to be real with ourselves, each other, and God) and what it doesn't mean (a prideful denial of what's really in our head and heart). We talked about our shared desire for a godly spouse, and about our somewhat embarrassed feelings over that desire. We talked about our fear of becoming that brand of single whose sole purpose for getting up in the morning is the quest for a spouse, but also wishing for an alternative other than patently denying that desire altogether.
Surely there's a way to be honest about this wish without sounding desperate or one-dimensional. For many of us, seeking to carve out a successful single life in our romance-obsessed popular culture and our family-centric churches is a daily exercise in trying to find that middle ground of living with the paradox of contentment and longing. It's not easy. But in the middleofnowhere, Slovakia, I discovered another benefit of being real: Others can pray for you. I could have denied those prayers, and missed out on the extra mouths and minds to lift this request heavenward, a request I'm slowly getting bold enough to admit I really do desire.
It's also a request that sends me occasionally to my doorstep—just in case these prayer warriors from other parts of the world finally help me receive the once-secret desire of my heart.
Camerin welcomes your feedback and brainstorms at: SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com
