On the "spiritual warfare" front, since the Reformation we've essentially developed a form of Christianity with almost no appreciation for ascetic practice, and I think that loses us men as well. Doctors and theologians steadfastly defended the church against heretics and secular intervention. There's a heroism in this—one that appeals to the male mind more than the female, I think. But today we shy away from metaphors of warfare and struggle. We tackle psychological issues under a medical paradigm, rather than military one—we are the "victims" of "unhealth" and we need to seek out help from others who will encourage us to "talk about our emotions." There's nothing to struggle against. The sense of bravery and heroism against fierce opposition is lost. Everything gets reduced to various bland truisms of pop psychology.
These observations hardly exhaust the causes and solutions to the current situation, but they at least reflect my own thinking—and the reasons why I have a strong urge to find some community other than the Protestant evangelical world in which I was raised. I also agree that churches are predominantly family-centric, and that single women function more easily in that world than men. Single women, for example, are encouraged to be affectionate with other people's children, whereas single men who do the same thing are regarded with a deep suspicion. And even most men's groups revolve around family responsibilities—the Promise Keeper's rallies in the 90's focused heavily on getting men to take responsibility for their wives and children. But if you didn't have a wife or kids, they had little to say to you.
At some point, we need churches that are willing to hire single men as pastors, especially in towns where a college or university ministry is expected. That won't happen by accident; it needs to be done purposefully. But social prejudice probably makes that idea almost impossible in the current climate. Trying to find a pastoral position as a single who's recently graduated from seminary is just about impossible. That's totally backwards, from a scriptural standpoint. And so I sympathize strongly with single men who think the church doesn't value them, and thus conclude that they shouldn't value it either.
And while I understand it's hard to be on the "overweighted" end of the gender imbalance, it's also hard for different reasons to be on the "underweighted" end. At least women can blame demographics for being single. Here I am, single at 29 and unable to get the time of day from any of those women outnumbering me two to one. I can only assume it's a personal reflection on myself. The marriage game is stacked in my favor, and I'm still scoreless! That amounts to a real blow to one's self-esteem. I get that kind of dismissal from other people all the time—"What's wrong with you? The church is full of women!" Plus, it's hard to find anyone else to commiserate with!
ELH
I've worked for a missions agency for teens for ten years now and have seen the gender imbalance first-hand, across the board, the entire ten years I've worked here. In a team of 50 students going overseas for short-term missions (even to a rugged country like Nepal!), we'll often have maybe 10 guys. That's a 1 to 5 ratio! We've discussed it as a ministry, we've discussed it as friends, and we've found no easy answers. For our ministry in particular (a relational/discipleship ministry as opposed to a work-project style), we've wondered if the relational draw simply appeals more to females. We've also looked at the churches we recruit from and spoken to countless youth pastors who share the same dilemma—there are simply more often more females in the youth ministry than males. This isn't always the case but is most often the case.
