Just before heading overseas himself, the founder of our ministry called out the men who are joining us this summer. He challenged them to look around, to see the imbalance (overall we are probably 70/30 women to men), and rise to the call of being men who raise up men. His words were literally "Men win men!"
This discussion shouldn't be shocking to anyone. Nor should it be taken personally. We're talking about statistics here, not personal issues. And statistics can be incredibly helpful when it comes to goal-setting and vision-casting. In my opinion, the most significant place believers can begin is prayer, asking God for wisdom, insight, and direction. And it's up to each of us within the body to determine how we will respond. As believers, we can join in prayer. As women, we can consider how we can honor men, release them to be who they're created to be, and encourage, lift up, and build up who they are in Christ.
Dawnette
I think a key part of the problem is that churches are so family centered. That's not bad in and of itself, but it can create major problems for single guys. While married women often make time for their female friends simply to enjoy friendship, married men often don't make time for relationships. I think married people with children and careers are simply too busy to be friends with people other than their spouse or coworkers.
In the large community of singles I've been involved with for the last several months, there are many cliques. Most people seem preoccupied with their established friendships and see no need to absorb newcomers such as me into their groups.
As a single guy, there's also an assumption that if you even speak to a single woman then you're trying to get involved in a romantic relationship with her. There's also an assumption by some single women that if a guy is seeking to develop a romantic relationship with her, then he's bad or dangerous.
It's difficult for men to develop a connection with one another anyway. Because there are more single women in Christian singles ministries than men, the women have more people they can choose to befriend (of the same gender) than the men do. While it's true the message of the Gospel is that everyone is in some sense a loser, singles ministries unfortunately attract many men I wouldn't want to befriend and who any woman in her right mind would view as losers.
It would be nice to go to a church whose theology I agree with and where there's a group of single friends with whom I can hang out and serve the Lord. I've spent a decade searching for a church whose theology I agree with where I have good friends, and I haven't found it yet. I'm losing hope that I'll ever find a church that meets both requirements or that I will ever really feel like a part of the body of Christ.
I spoke with a pastor at a previous church and he said people's social lives aren't his responsibility. That's true to a point, but I still think it should concern him that many single people aren't finding meaningful Christian fellowship in church. Some, like myself, have turned into ecclesiastical gypsies, wandering around looking for true Christian fellowship.
Name withheld
I, too, have a difficult time finding godly men in Christian circles. One thing I've noticed in churches, particularly large ones (with large young adults ministries), is a lack of inter-generational male ministries. I'm now at a smaller church where the older men actively pour into the younger men (and hold them seriously accountable) and the growth in maturity I'm seeing in my male friends is staggering. And their hunger for more church and fellowship only grows greater with such investment.
