The other reason is the women. I love women. I think they are God's greatest creation. I dream everyday of my someday wife and daughters. Women are a mystery and an adventure. However, I believe the reason men don't seek out women in the church is because they aren't much different than in the world. Let me explain.
There's a rash of thought and controversy in our culture regarding the "status" or "place" of women. The Bible says things about a woman's place that have been misinterpreted for years. Also, our societal history shows oppressed and downtrodden women for centuries. However, the problem today is the opposite. Women (mostly the feminists and extremists, though they lead the predominant thought in culture) have gone too far. Similar to the "gay rights" movement where it's not about equal rights (life, liberty, pursuit of happiness) but about special rights, the trend is that every time a woman is treated badly we should change policy and disallow that treatment. Hey, people get treated badly … it's called a sinful world. That extreme thought is played over and over in our media and entertainment outlets, literally brainwashing our innocent young girls into believing the world is against them. Naturally, they learn to be tough, independent, stubborn, and self-reliant. These aren't womanly qualities to which men are attracted. Those are the things men strive for in themselves. We don't want a woman to be tougher than we are or so independent she has no need for our abilities. We want her to be tender and gentle—a servant. God calls women AND MEN to be submissive. Women have taken this wrong and swayed too far to the other side. Many women are so independent these days they have a difficult time submitting to anyone (God included). It's interesting that most independent (by the way, not being independent does not mean incapable or unable) women I know are unhappy. If women expect men to differ from the world, they should too.
Those are two main issues I see. Combined, they make a deadly combination that deters and discourages men. No wonder we don't stick around in churches. Obviously, this is the general trend—there are many wonderful exceptions.
Now, what's our responsibility in this? I believe we real men need to stand up and allow these diseases to perpetuate no longer. We need to bind together with other men and speak of great battles and loving our women. We need to submit our lives to God and our pride to our fellow man (and woman). We need to encourage women to rely on God, not themselves or men. We need to lead the church away from the cultural rot that we allow through the doors every Sunday. We are men and it's our responsibility to lead this change.
Rob
I know all too well of the shortage of godly single men here in the States, especially being a single 30-something, African-American woman. For me the numbers are even less hopeful than for the larger population. However, I was very surprised to hear that the shortage is a global phenomenon. Upon hearing this, I began to think about the fact that we're living in the end times. I've questioned God many times about why so many of us Christian women are still single well into our 30's and 40's, why we seemingly have to suppress our desire to be married, lest we take on guilt and shame for yearning.
I wish I had an answer that would be suitable for all of us. The only thing I can offer is prayer that our brothers will come forward and step into all of the promises of God for their lives. My prayer today is that we as women of God begin to pray for our men like never before, not out of selfish motivation, but out of a sincere place of longing for our brothers to take their rightful places in church, in ministry, and maybe, just maybe, in our hearts.
Name withheld
We welcome your feedback and brainstorms at: SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com
