You might not believe me, but because I've been where you are now, all of these things are that much sweeter today. I know Singleness Rocks days aren't a given, so when they come around, I savor them. I remember a mentor saying once that the well that's carved by heartache can later be filled with the same depth of joy. Thankfully, I've experienced that to be true. So know that this well you feel you've tumbled into won't always be filled with pain.
I know you and I know you're probably catastrophizing and blaming any number of ills on your single state right now. If you can, take a step back and realize that some, if not most, of these things are simply a result of our fallen world. Bad days come. Funks happen. Jesus even told us, "In this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33). (You can't say you weren't warned!) But this is true for singles and marrieds. Don't fall, even subconsciously, for the lie that if only you weren't single, everything would be fine.
Remember the conversation you had with that married woman from church the other day. The one who always looks so together, with her two kids and husband who serves in many leadership roles in the church. Remember how she said that though she loves her husband, it's not always been an easy road for them. That she envies the freedom her single friends have to travel, to buy 12 pairs of black shoes without justifying it to anyone, to have five minutes to ourselves to think. When I tried to balance her perspective by saying, "I totally hear what you're saying. We do have great stuff in this stage of life. But 12 pairs of black shoes won't keep you company on a Friday night; they don't exactly take the place of a life partner." Don't you dare forget how she said, "Well, trust me, there are days I'd gladly take the 12 pairs of shoes." She wasn't dissing her husband, and I'm not bashing married life, this is just a reminder that it's no cakewalk either. Single life is tough. Married life is tough. Life is tough. You're likely experiencing that latter truth the most.
Though it seems trite, the truth you probably need to hear most is that this too shall pass. Remember, I've been where you are. And now I'm in a good place. Now is your time to weep, but eventually it will be your time to laugh. Now it's your time to mourn, but soon it will be your time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3: 4). So pray with the psalmist, "My times are in your hands" (Psalm 31:15), and try your best to lean into God, trusting his steadfastness and faithfulness. The place you're currently at is where he meets us best. Where we grow the most. Where we can experience his presence in the most meaningful way. If only we'll let him.
Until you get to the time for laughing and dancing, you know what to do. Peruse your thanksgiving journal for reminders of God's past faithfulness. Find new things, no matter how small or seemingly trivial, to be thankful for each day. Read Psalm 30. If it's slipped from thought, memorize it again. Pour out all your angst, frustration, or heartache to God. If you don't make him your ally, it's all too easy for him to become your adversary, to blame him. And that's an even worse place than where you are now. Go ahead and be angry with him, if need be. He can handle it. Just make sure to listen on the other side of your tirade. You may be surprised by his response. There may be things he needs to challenge you on, things you're doing or not doing that triggered this funk. Or he may just quiet you with his love (Zephaniah 3:17).
Call two friends. One who'll play with you, who'll cheer you into a brighter mood with an authentically upbeat outlook on life. Go have fun with this person. The better mood will follow. And also call a friend or two who'll pray for you. When times are really tough, sometimes we need to follow the example of the paralyzed man who was lowered through the roof by his friends to get to Jesus (Luke 5:17-20). Sometimes, when we're too weak, we need others to carry us to him. That's what Christian community is for. Use it.
