Bolstered by the recent talk about Christian womanhood, I was curious about his definition of Christian manhood. I asked if he was going to address single Christian men in his book and mentioned the single guy friends of mine who have attended Promise Keepers conventions and the like and been disappointed to find the presenters discussing only good husbandhood and fatherhood. What of good manhood? Surely being a good husband and father–and single guy–flow from being a good godly man first.
As we were both asking about and sharing our ministry passions, I didn't want to get on a soapbox. But when I mentioned some of the left-out feelings we singles can feel on Sunday mornings, Pastor Rick was surprised. He, who'd married young and had two small kids at home, hadn't given much thought to the singles in his congregation. Given his background, and the fact that there probably aren't many singles in his small rural congregation, that made sense. When I mentioned how much of the population we represent, he was astonished. "I had no idea," he responded, and then asked more questions about the single dynamic.
At the end of our conversation, I sheepishly thanked him for listening to me go on and on about singles and our sometimes-precarious place in Christian circles. His gracious reply moved me, "No, thank you for sharing your perspective. I needed to hear this. I think this conversation was God-ordained." A week later when I was back in my office wading through backed-up correspondence, I was delighted to find a note from Pastor Rick tucked amidst the memos and press releases. He once again thanked me for sharing my thoughts with him, and mentioned that he'd talked with his church staff just that morning about better serving the singles in their congregation.
And with a few words, Pastor Rick restored my hope and righted my perspective. Instead of voicing frustrations, I need to use my words to enlighten and educate (when God so leads)—become part of the solution instead of perpetuating misunderstandings and rifts. As much as I don't want churches to give up on us singles, I shouldn't give up on them, either. Though we sometimes feel shut out of the Body of Christ, often it's just ignorance on the part of leaders who were never really single themselves and therefore simply aren't acquainted with our demographic. Instead of rolling my eyes and dreaming of table-top tirades, I need to be understanding of their perspective and full of the same grace God extends to me when I wrestle with attitude problems in the middle of women's tea parties. Surely all of this is part of God's Design for Singlehood.
Camerin welcomes your feedback and brainstorms at: SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com
