This passive–aggressive, on–the–hunt mentality has even crept into the Christian culture, a group who ought to know better. Both genders already place too much emphasis on finding a spouse, but now each side also has to be on guard against surprise attacks. Women have to be extra careful about becoming too aggressive because they're even more likely than men to be consumed by a romantic relationship. The Word reveals a fundamental and profound truth about women—women desire to be desired. In Genesis 3:16 God states, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Interestingly, the Hebrew word for "desire" in Genesis 3:16 is the same one used in Genesis 4:7—"Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." This specific word is used only three times in the entire Bible. This seems to imply that a woman's desire, like that of a lion, will defeat her, subdue her, and exploit her if it extends beyond God's original design.
Women weren't designed to be overly aggressive. Outgoing, fun–loving, enthusiastic, and mysterious—yes. Aggressive, predatory, and overbearing—no. Having the desire for a boyfriend or husband isn't a sin, but some women act on these desires in unhealthy ways. They take their desires to an extreme, and it consumes their every thought and action. From a male perspective, what makes this even scarier is that we often enjoy the sexual aggression—even though we shouldn't. Most men are very sexual creatures, even more so than our female counterparts. When a woman displays strong sexual urges, our spark turns into an uncontrollable flame. Although we shouldn't be mastered by our lusts, men can feed off a woman's seductive play and take the physical relationship where it ought not go. Men struggle with sexual boundaries, and if a woman tries to push them, many men will collapse under the pressure.
Fortunately, most women aren't preying on their partners like a female locust. But some Christian women are. If you want to check your motives, see if you have the traits of any of these types of predators:
The Barbie Doll Girl—This Christian woman is beautiful on the outside and hallow on the inside. She lures the unsuspecting man in with revealing clothing, lots of skin, and sexual favors. Often found roaming around bars and sporting events, she's been known to strike quickly.
Robert was a visual creature, and Lauren caught his eye when she just "happened" to be washing her car in her Daisy Dukes. They've been dating five months; she just found out she's pregnant.
The CEO's Wife—This Christian woman often pursues successful and cash–heavy believers. Because she thinks she deserves a certain "standard of living,"—i.e. a Mercedes, a vacation home, and enough clothes for a Third World country—this woman goes after the man who can provide for her. Often spotted at country clubs and prosperity gospel churches, she's attracted to vogue and luxurious items.
Ben thought he found the woman he could share his whole life with when he married Michelle at age 26. Unfortunately, all he got to share was half of his estate. He's divorced and turns 32 next month.
The Suga Mama—This Christian woman uses her own talents and success to draw in a man. She buys him nice gifts and provides for him, attempting to win his affection through material things. She desires for a man to lead, but creates such a cushy environment that every man she dates becomes living room furniture.
Randy was an aspiring musician when he first met Ashley in L.A. in 2001. Ashley is from a well–to–do family in Orange County. He was preparing to launch his first CD in 2001. He still hasn't done it.
There's a word of warning for both genders in God's Word. Sexual sin is crouching at our doors and it desires to have us. As men, if we don't don the full armor of God every day, we'll fall victim to the wayward woman who uses her God–given figure for seductive purposes. As women, if you don't focus your desires on Christ alone, they may overcome you and leave you defenseless against your own heart. "Let us pray" should never become "let us prey."
We welcome your feedback and brainstorms at: SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com
