We all know that Stevie Wonder called to say "I love you." The pressing question is whether he would have e-mailed, texted, or IMed his lover to say the same thing.
With Valentine's Day sneaking up on us, we're once again faced with the dilemma of how to express our feelings to our secret crush, co-worker, business partner, fellow Bible study leader, or significant other. With all the different communication options available—from webcam to e-cards—there certainly can be confusion. The easy choice for most of us uncreative men is to simply send a dozen crimson roses. But what do we write on the card? I like you a whole lot? I love you? I noticed you at the Starbuck's counter and I like skinny grande white-chocolate mochas too? I've been trailing you for weeks and thought you should know that the left rear tire on your Civic is low?
A few weeks ago, one of my female friends told me that her boyfriend of four months finally used the L-word. Naturally, I thought she'd be thrilled. But she wasn't; she was furious. Now, most females would call their ten closest friends, start a website called www.using-the-L-word-for-the-first-time.com, and pick out save-the-date cards, but this situation was a little different. The reason she was so upset was because he said "I love you" the first time over text-messaging.
Before you gather the posse and string up this emotionally-insensitive techno-geek, you may find it interesting to note that there are a growing number of young adults saying "I love you" in 160 characters or less. According to a recent article in
And we're not just text messaging. The X and Y generations are also using e-mail, IMs, webcams, digital photos, e-cards, cell phones, and other hip abbreviations as a substitute for personal interaction. I've heard a handful of stories about couples meeting online at a match-making service, dating for months, and eventually getting married. I've also heard a handful of stories from upset singles who feel they were misled or taken advantage of through an electronic medium. So, what's appropriate e-mail/text/IM etiquette, and how do we guard our hearts in a culture of emotional promiscuity?
Most experts agree the reason young adults are using electronic messaging so abundantly is because it's a natural extension of our cultural motto: Instant gratification without rejection or explanation. But we have to be careful about depersonalizing intimate conversations and relationships. Our faith is founded on the premise that Jesus Christ built a personal relationship with his people. "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us" (John 1:14). In other words, he came down to earth and walked among those he loved. In his infinite wisdom, he knew we needed the personal interaction and face-to-face communication.
Of course, God has also revealed himself through dreams (Matthew 1:20), visions (Isaiah 1:1), and voices from above (Luke 3:22). This suggests there's room for both personal, face-to-face interaction and distant, thoughtful conversation. The challenge most singles face is learning how to balance the two types of communication.
As you can imagine, the Adams of the world have embraced these new technologies more than the Eves. Instead of asking women out in more formal ways, some men use their Blackberrys and Outlook to avoid rejection and determine romantic interest. They're curiously playing the field without playing the field. However, some women do the same thing. Some women entice men to the relationship table by sending them xoxoxoxoxo or :). There's confusion on both sides.
