Adam awakes and realizes he isn't imagining or dreaming. Like a slow-motion scene in a music video, she appears: the most captivating and enticing creature he's ever seen! At once he knows she compliments him perfectly. She's just like him, yet she's different in all the right places and in all the right ways. He stands speechless for several moments. And then he utters those famous words, "Woe Man!" The name stuck. Adam then composed the first love song, called "At Last!":
This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man. (Gen. 2:23; ESV)
Adam's sense of loneliness before Eve was created wasn't some silly feeling. The image-bearer of God truly was incomplete for his task without his partner. God himself declared Adam's isolation "not good." Together Adam and Eve were perfect strength and beauty. Apart from each other there's a sense of disjointedness.
These verses can be painful for singles. We long for Adam and Eve's scene to be our scene. We're moved by powerful and romantic encounters in movies because we want the same in our lives. We pray for the perfect companion, chosen by God, who's the right match in every way. Both men and women are created in the image of God, whether they are separate or together, yet each often feel incomplete until becoming one flesh with a spouse.
That's why Genesis 2:18 can encourage us. It validates our sense of drifting and apartness. There isn't something wrong with us. This verse not only tells us we'll feel lonely and alone, but it also tells us something is probably wrong if we don't.
I know too many singles who pretend they aren't lonely and pretend they don't care about marriage. At times, I fight the same temptation. It's easier to deny the angst of being without a soulmate than to step into the abyss of loneliness. Stifling a desire makes us feel in control; acknowledging a desire makes us vulnerable. Yet a desire that isn't open can't be filled. Adam's experience reminds singles that loneliness is normal and necessary.
This is affirming to me, because often I grow weary of the single life. I want to throw in the towel because everything seems out of place in my life. I took a wrong turn somewhere. I need a new job. I need to change churches. I need new hobbies. I need new friends. I need to move to a new city. Yet when I calm down and take a good look at my life, I realize I actually like my job and my church. I enjoy my hobbies. I value my friends. I love where I live. I'm just out of sorts because I feel unconnected. But it's okay; I should. Adam had the same feeling until God gave him Eve. We're made for so much more. Loneliness is the wailing siren that doesn't let me forget.
Between the powerful feelings of loneliness within us and the hailstorm of pressure from others to "settle down already," it's tempting to stifle our God-given desires for intimacy, romance, and union because they're just too painful. Holding onto the desire for intimacy in this world is like trying to hold a dozen eggs in one hand. It doesn't take much for us to give up and call ourselves foolish. It's no wonder most singles are reluctant to open up about their deep loneliness, even with other singles. We're often more accustomed to misunderstanding and misguided attempts to "fix" our condition than we are to receiving genuine sympathy and compassion.
So what do many singles do when they're intensely lonely and bombarded with disheartening messages? They get married; if not to another lonely single, then to their job, hobby, ministry, or anything else that kills the hunger of loneliness. "I know I hide behind being busy with my job," a single told me recently. "But it's just easier that way."
Ironically, most singles don't need a marriage as much as they need a divorce—a divorce from the idolatrous relationships they've formed to kill their hunger pangs of loneliness. In truth, our desire for union with another can't be met unless the desire is acknowledged, enlarged, and available. Often God can't put good things in our hands because they're already too full with idols. Detours around loneliness are such idols.
