I generally turn things around. I answer the "Why aren't you married yet?" questions with "I'm actively looking, but don't seem to be finding the sort of quality wife material I'm seeking. Do you know of any godly unmarried women who want a husband and children? Keep an eye out for me, and if you know or come across someone in that category, by all means, make our acquaintance." This almost invariably is met with silence … and the end of the press.
-Nick
Since I just left the ranks of 30-somethings, many of my friends and family are wondering if I'll ever walk down the aisle. Those well-meaning people, with their "You still have time" remarks and endless questioning, can be relentless. But I've found that humor, with a small side of sarcasm, seems to work for me. If we're going to be sarcastic, though, we have to be careful to not hurt or wound the other person.
For another approach, I think of my three-year-old nephew who, when his older sister attacks him, lies on the floor like a slug and plays dead. Or my niece, who waves her arms wildly in the air and yells at the top of her lungs, "I'm freaking out!"
-Tabitha
Since divorcing three years ago, I must say the Lord's been protecting me from pushy people. Shortly after my divorce, I sent out an e-mail to my whole address book, telling them about my divorce and my plans to spend time with my children, helping them heal. I also told them I'd send out occasional updates, but I really just needed their support and positive attitudes (and encouraging e-mails were welcome!). It was the best thing I could have done for myself and my healing, and it nipped it in the bud before anyone could begin to bother me.
-Kathy
I get asked about my relationship status by extended family and friends from time to time. Once, at a family reunion, my aunt asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told her when the time comes that I have a boyfriend, I'll make sure to bring him to family gatherings. That way, she'll know I have someone in my life. That response helped a great deal, and she hasn't asked again. Sometimes short answers are better than explanations.
-Ana
Anytime I get family members or church friends not-so-subtly inquiring about my chronic singleness, I give them the same line: "Sure, I'd love to get married and have a wife; I do not, however, want an ex-wife." That usually changes the topic.
-Phil
It seems pushy people bring out the worst in all of us. I think it has more to do with them than us. They're looking for a response that satisfies them, whether it's rehearsed or not. I guess it comes down to choices: You can engage the pushy inquiries (that probably won't be satisfied anyway), or you can choose to find inner contentment with where God has you right now. We're not required to answer every question we're asked. It's a choice.
-Joan
I personally think that most people in our society have a hard time with people who are different from them. Some people get joy out of putting down the underdog. I put up boundaries with these intrusive people—tell them I don't want to hear about singleness anymore—and walk away when they start getting nosy. God doesn't expect us to undergo verbal assaults. He made us and is pleased with us the way we are, and we need to hold onto his assessment of us. We can be polite but firm with these people, telling them to mind their own business.
-Val
I've finally gotten to the point where I find it comical to watch people's expressions when they start talking to me about my husband and I tell them I don't have one. I'm 48, so people always assume I've been married. Recently, one person even asked very loudly if I was gay. My response is always the same: "I'm not married because I haven't met the right person at the right time. And I'd rather never be married than be married to the wrong person and be miserable." I don't get questions after that.
-Vicki
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