At a recent marriage retreat we were asked, “Is there any one characteristic of successful marriages that helps them last for the duration?” As marriage counselors for over 35 years, we are often asked this question. Our response usually includes at least one factor – the spiritual maturity of each spouse. Few things are more important for a successful marriage.

Without godly character, even the best marriage teaching will have little impact on a couple. Something is learned, applied for a while, and eventually set aside as the character weaknesses of each spouse undermine the good effects of the teaching.

What is spiritual maturity, and how is it related to character and faith? From a biblical point of view, maturity involves developing certain spiritual character traits. Since Christ existed with perfect character, it is natural to look to him for insights on godly character. In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ lists eight character traits that result in blessing. We believe they can significantly impact marriages today.

Prayerfully ask God to develop these traits of spiritual maturity in your life and in your relationship with your spouse:

1. Poor in spirit: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3)

Characteristics: This spouse is quick to acknowledge his spiritual bankruptcy and unworthiness as he stands before a holy God. He knows he can offer God nothing, and can achieve nothing apart from Him.

Result in marriage: With a humble heart, he will not exhibit pride, the great enemy of most marriages. He will be characterized by a grateful heart because he recognizes the wretched state out of which Christ has redeemed him. This person truly recognizes his spouse as God’s provision for his need and profoundly realizes that he is unworthy of such a gift.

2. Spiritual mourning: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”(Matthew 5:4)

Characteristics: This spouse is broken over the sin in her life and is incapable of being casual about sin. When she does sin, she is quick to confess both to God and to her spouse. She is painfully aware and thoughtful of the repercussions of her actions. She asks, “What have I done, said, or thought that would displease God or my husband?”