Hand grenades or land mines?

Husbands and wives are usually one or the other when it comes to dealing with conflict in marriage – we tend to either explode immediately or bury our feelings to be triggered at a later date. Some of us are quick to throw our anger and pain right back at our spouse when a conflict surfaces. Some of us avoid conflict at all costs, burying our hurt deep in the recesses of our hearts until our spouse inadvertently detonates the pain.

If you are married and are two hand grenades, explosions are probably frequent, but quick, leaving scars on your souls.

If you are married and are two land mines, explosions are rare, but huge, leaving craters in your hearts.

If you are married as a hand grenade and a land mine, watch out, you never know when the explosions will come and they inflict all kinds of damage.

Which one are you?

Conflict is a reality in all marriages. How you deal with conflict is the ultimate test of your ability to communicate as a couple. Fortunately, scripture provides us with meaningful insights into effectively resolving conflict. The following five exhortations, founded on Scripture, are vital to accomplish redemptive conflict resolution.

1. Approach Each Other with Kindness and Concern

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for the building up of others according to their needs that it may benefit those whose listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)

Rejection, fear, and bitterness destroy communication, and conflicts cannot be resolved in threatening environments. Therefore, couples must seek God’s perspective in establishing an environment of kindness and concern. We are to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave” us and to “clothe [ourselves] with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:12).