Give us a basic "do say" when helping divorced or single parent Christians.

I know I can never take away your hurt, but I love you and am here for you. Or: The future must seem frightening; I'll stay close.

Lauren, my neighbors' daughter was tragically killed at 20. The night of the accident I walked over to their home, looked straight at her mother (who was in the middle of catering a wedding), and said, "This place is going to be crawling with people in about an hour. We have to get all this catering stuff put away." She and I immediately went to work. Later, she said that act saved her. In your book, Susan Shelley--who endured one of the greatest tragedies I've ever read about--says that sometimes helping is as simple as saying, "Can I walk your dog?" What are some of the things one should NOT say?

Don't say: Is there anything I can do to help? It's probably for the best. Well, things could be worse. You know God is in control. Instead, say: This must be very hard for you. I wish I could take this hurt away. I feel for you during this difficult time.  Listen to their heart and hurt and validate those feelings. Don't say: If there is anything you need, give me a call. They will never pick up the phone and tell you what they need. 

Let's talk about children in a different sense. Why are children sometimes the "forgotten grievers?"

In my home, I was the forgotten griever. The attention was on my brothers' needs and the anguish for my parents. No one knew how deeply I was hurting. School kids teased me that my brothers were retards and morons, but I never told my parents because I didn't want to add to their hurt. Children watch the tears and sadness in their parent's lives and will not share what they are really feeling.

In closing, will you offer a short prayer to the Lord for those who are hurting and those who have been called to help?

Father, I thank you for these readers and their willingness to be better equipped to comfort hurting hearts. Help them to understand the sorrow and the pain their loved one is facing.  Give them words that will be comforting and an encouragement.  Strengthen them as they walk in the presence of sorrow, that they may bring compassion and comfort. Help me to show your hope and mercy. In Jesus' most precious name I pray, Amen.

Eva Marie Everson is the author of Shadow of Dreams, Summon the Shadows, the anxiously anticipated Shadows of Light (Barbour, July 2003), and an award-winning national speaker. She can be contacted for comments or for speaking engagement bookings at PenNhnd@aol.com or you can visit her website here.