(Editor's note: The following is Part II of a special, three-part report summarizing "The State of Our Unions," a national report by The National Marriage Project which is an analysis of the health of marriage and marital relationships in America. Sponsored by Rutgers University, the study is co-authored by David Popenoe, Ph.D., Rutgers professor and author, and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Ph.D., author and social critic.)

Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of this cultural drift is the continuing mass retreat of men from traditional marriage. While a growing number of fathers continue to be actively engaged in their children’s lives, many more aren’t. A shocking divergence has occurred between men who are married and those who have children out of wedlock. Whereas one camp is happily engaged changing diapers and comforting cranky babies at 2:00 a.m., another, larger camp is disengaged or entirely absent. The key factor in this pattern is marriage.

• Studies show that men are increasingly disengaged from daily tasks of nurturing and providing for their children; are staying single longer and having more children out of wedlock, cohabiting rather than marrying, and divorcing in large numbers.

• Men who aren’t married to their children’s mother are significantly less likely to be consistently and positively involved with their children.

• Marriage is the social glue that bonds fathers to their offspring. When marriage and fatherhood come unglued, father involvement weakens, with many dads disconnecting completely from their children.

• More disturbingly, since men are delaying marriage in greater numbers while continuing to lead sexually active lives, significant numbers now view children negatively, as a source of penalizing financial obligation, conflict and even "trickery" by women.

• The proportion of children living apart from their biological fathers has increased sharply, from 17 percent in 1960 to 34 percent in 2000.

• Cohabiting men living with non-biological children, moreover, pose a risk of physical or sexual abuse to those children.

• Ironically, many men now believe that the legal deck is stacked against men in divorce, so why risk marriage at all?

Shift from "Child-Centered" to "Soul-Mate" Marriage

Not surprisingly, the ideal of romantic friendship in marriage is a distinctive part of the West’s long-standing marital tradition. Yet this idyllic prospect has intensified today to the point that many now expect their marriages to be an endlessly euphoric, deeply spiritualized union of uniquely matched and sexually compatible souls. Needless to say, this exaggerated model portends rampant marital dissatisfaction and, ultimately, traumatized families and disaffected children.

Furthermore, the unfortunate tendency of today’s Americans to see marriage as a "couples relationship," designed to fulfill the emotional needs of adults, tragically undermines the bonds of parental commitment needed to properly bring up children.