Twenty-five minutes later, I looked out the window, and saw a guest's car in the driveway. "They're here!"

I heard Ron bustling around in the den as he jumped up from his chair, shoved the papers into the wastebasket, and zipped to the front door with the broom. He was sweeping the porch steps as our guests walked up the sidewalk!

He had no idea why I was upset. Later, when our guests left, I said, "Why didn't you do what I asked you to do?"

He said, "I did!"

"But you did it when our company was in the driveway!"

"Yeah...so?" You didn't say when to do it.

He was right -- I didn't. I had the expectation that he’d do it as soon as I asked, but I wasn't specific on my timeframe. Here's a news flash. Your spouse can't read your mind!

Now I ask, "Can you do this by 6:00?" or "Will you be able to have this done by Tuesday?" If he can't do it, he'll tell me, and then I can either do it myself or make other arrangements.

Hint and Miss

Another way I drove Ron crazy was to hint at something and then throw a fit because he didn't get the hint. For example, one warm, sunny day as we drove by a Baskin Robbins Ice Cream store I said, "I love lemon sherbet."

He just kept driving. How dare him! I guess he didn't know that my hint meant, "Stop the car. I want some ice cream!"

My girlfriend Tonya would have understood the hint and said, "Good idea. Let's get some!" But Ron was oblivious. He thought I meant just what I said. go figure.

Men rarely hint because they've learned to ask for what they want. If women would stop the "hint-speak" and ask for what we want, we'd be much more likely to get it.

These changes didn't take place overnight. I think the issues related to teasing took several years to resolve. If I can see that Ron is making an effort, then I give him some room to fail occasionally. If I went "postal" on him each time he forgot, he'd get discouraged and stop trying.

So as you see your mate start to develop new positive patterns, encourage him or her, and be willing to overlook an occasional slip. Be sure to verbalize your praise and notice when your spouse does it RIGHT. Your marriage will grow sweeter as you have less conflict and more understanding and patience.

"Husbands, likewise, dwell with them [wives] with understanding." ~ 1st Peter 3:7


Adapted from Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage  (Kregel Publications 2004)

Nancy C. Anderson and her husband of 27 years, live in Orange County, California with their teenage son. If you would like more information about Nancy's book, affair proofing your marriage, or the Andersons speaking at your couples' event, visit  www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com.


Read more articles by author Nancy C. Anderson:

The Warning Signs of Infidelity
"Small Stuff" Can Ruin Our Families
Forgiving the Unforgivable: Adultery
Five Creative Dates for Couples
Have You Lost that Lovin' Feelin'?
Can a Christian Marriage Survive an Affair?
Avoid the 'Greener Grass' Syndrome: Water Your Own Marriage
Is Your Home a Danger Zone for Your Marriage?
The Parable of the Coffee Filter