Discuss you and your wife’s goals for your marriage. List your top 10 goals for your marriage, and ask your wife to do the same. Then compare lists and discuss the similarities and differences. Try to see if you can reach a mutual agreement on the top three goals for your marriage.

Choose to be a servant – not just act like one sometimes. Understand that service isn’t something you do whenever it happens to suit you. Rather, service should become a constant lifestyle in which you choose to serve your wife regularly because you love her as you love yourself. Don’t settle for a mediocre marriage; be willing to pay the price for a great relationship.

Choose righteousness over rights. Decide that, rather than insisting on your rights, you will freely give them up when necessary to pursue the greater cause of righteousness. Whenever your rights are a stumbling block to achieving oneness in your marriage, be willing to lay them aside so you can enjoy the type of holy, close marriage God wants for you. Know that your example will inspire and motivate your wife to likewise turn away from selfishness. When facing decisions (especially controversial ones such as deciding where to live or making major purchases), be willing to give up your rights for the sake of the one you love.

Enjoy a healthy sex life. Know that, for women, sexual attraction is based on relationship. So if you build a strong emotional and spiritual connection to her, she will be far more likely to open up to you sexually than if you don’t. Remember that neither spouse has the right to withhold sexual fulfillment from the other, or to force the other to perform any sexual acts with which he or she is uncomfortable. Maintain sexual purity, focusing your sexual desires solely on your wife. Offer your body as a living sacrifice to please God and her through your sexual relationship. Choose to meet each other’s needs despite varying moods, emotions, and circumstances. Work together to make mutually satisfying sex a regular part of your schedule.

Realize that your time is not your own. Understand that you shouldn’t ever make unilateral decisions about how to spend your time, because you and your wife are a team and the way you spend your time powerfully impacts her time as well. Know that women often spell love T-I-M-E, so make it a priority to spend as much time with your wife as possible. Realize that quality time only happens in the midst of quantity time, and that the best moments together often can’t be tightly scheduled. Remember that your wife’s time is just as important as yours. Always check with her before planning your schedule so you don’t trample over her needs.

Don’t resent your wife’s weaknesses. Know that your wife is a gift from God, despite her weaknesses. Remember that you, too, have weaknesses. Understand that it’s often the things that irritate you most that God is using to transform you into a better person. Be merciful. Love your wife for who she is today (not who you wish she would be), and allow God to use you to build her character according to His plan (not yours).