I think the good Lord desired much more from marriage than a surface respect and a surface type love, He wants us to feel it, not just simply do it.
We can not be responsible for the actions of the other partner as so many of us are, "well, I did not get love/respect, so therefore that is why I did ******". No, we need to be all acountable for our own actions, and when we get to heaven and stand before God, we will NOT be able to say, "well, I became an adulterer, abuser, drunk, etc... because my spouse was not doing this, he/she made me do it, it was her/his lack of respect/love."
We will be held responsible for our own actions, and we need to "man up" or "woman up" to what we have done.
Men, must have it easy, because it clearly defines how to love your wife in the bible, and they also get to define what respectful behavior is, because it does not go into great detail in the bible how to respect specifiacally, so then men can manipulate it to mean what they believe it to mean

I'm sorry, but this advice is just woefully superficial and doesn't deal with the humility and how to "get there" we all need to go through before we can attain an authentic marriage.

Real healing and respect in marriage begin when each party takes the focus off each other and developes their relationship with God; seeing themselves as they really are, and giving the other partner grace and forgiveness.

While Nancy's article is full of helpful hints, it's just not going to cut it if women are ever going to move on from the bitterness and resentment they feel toward their spouse after months or even years of neglect.

There are just too many codependent women walking around in this country. Unfortunately catering to men's needs before they demonstrate their OWN brokenness before God, is just not going to create the kind of leadership we ALL really require.

Nancy Anderson (Living Ehpesians 5) is "Right On!" God's order is not to deal with the husband first nor is it His way to have the wife set her husband straight. When the wife gets out of line, God has to deal with her first. He has less trouble straigntening out the man than he does the woman. We (women) are so easily deceived. Walking with God as a Christian couple is like walking under an umbrella together. When the woman steps out in the rain, she ges wet, but the man is still protected from the water. When she steps back where her place is (a protected place, I might add) God can draw the man out in the rain briefly, and he is only too glad to get in line (if, indeed, he is wrong) in order not to walk in the rain. Once a woman realizes her protected position in the marriage, the man must shoulder the responsibility, and usually does so gladly. When a woman learns to submit to God's order, where the husband is God's authority, it is a place of blessing. It is also a place of grace.

I agree with most of what you are saying in this article. But I think its another form of women taking the lead. Don't get me wrong, I don't disagree with working on attitude change with the empowerment of Jesus Christ. The article comes off as though "if wives can do THIS, THEN the husband will fall in line." I feel that is backwards. The scripture you quoted in Ephesians is a command to the husband first off, to love his wife as himself. The Bible also says for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. Keep in mind Christ did this for an imperfect bride so that she could become perfect by his sacrifice. I am in no way saying that the wife has no responsibility, I just saying I think women have become spiritual giants, taking the lead in their families when we are indeed supposed to be the weaker vessels. You have a powerful testimony. However, men should step into their roles as leaders, so the wives can do the same.

I agree with your peace making spirit. However, isn't the husband supposed to be the head of the house and the leader? I am a husband and father, if any woman needs to work for her husband's attention or respect, then he needs to be kicked to the curb.

Terrific article! Men crave respect just as women need love, and from my observation, few women today understand this. My wife does, and I am so thankful! Her kind words and 'gentle persuasion' makes me want to be better. Most of us guys know we are a mess, but a wife who respects us anyway, and sees the good in us, often makes us want to live up to her standard.

Many teachings imply that if the men would only do their part in obeying Ephesians 5, 'husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church', then their wives couldn't help but respond with respect, sex, etc...hmmm. This suggests that women are sort of like vending machines...put in love, out pops respect, sex, etc...guaranteed. No, both women and men are called to obey, and outgrow sinful ways. Being respectful is not contingent upon feeling loved perfectly, just as loving is not contingent upon being respected. Neither command is followed by an "only if they deserve it" escape clause.

Thank you very much...good stuff!