Our biblical charge to discipline our daughters means that we cannot be passive parents. We must not think that we are helpless or without recourse to deal with our daughters' sin. Neither turning a blind eye nor remaining ignorant are acceptable options. We cannot afford to assume "this is just a phase" or "this is normal for her age." And we must not subscribe to the theory that allowing our daughters to experience the world will make them stronger. Effective discipline requires more than reactive parenting, which only swings into gear when a crisis hits.
Left to themselves, our daughters will not naturally conform to the Word of God. The truth is that we all go our own way apart from the intervention of the Holy Spirit and the correction of godly friends. (This fact should help us guard against self-righteousness.) And if we ignore, minimize, or are at ease with the discrepancies between our daughters' behavior and God's standard, there may be dire consequences.
That's why J. C. Ryle strongly warned parents:
Beware of that miserable delusion into which some have fallen,—that parents can do nothing for their children, that you must leave them alone, wait for grace, and sit still. These persons . . . desire much, and have nothing. And the devil rejoices to see such reasoning, just as he always does over anything which seems to excuse indolence, or to encourage neglect of means.2
Biblical discipline calls for a proactive approach. We must aggressively and intentionally steer our daughters in the ways of the Lord. This idea is illustrated by a television commercial that exhorts parents to oppose teen drug use with the slogan, "Action: The Anti-Drug." We would do well to apply this phrase to our biblical understanding of discipline: "Action: The Anti-Sin." Of course, action alone won't prevent our daughters from sinning. It takes a work of the Holy Spirit, but action is vitally necessary.
However, if our training is to be effective, unity between father and mother is essential. Now unity doesn't mean the absence of disagreement. Differences of opinion are inevitable between couples. What is essential, however, is that we seek to resolve our differences as quickly as possible and present a united front to our daughters. So if you and your husband are not of one mind on discipline, please seek counsel from your pastor or a trusted Christian friend.
To be active in our discipline, we must be watchful, attentive, discerning mothers. We need to study our daughters carefully, ask them probing questions, and maintain a constant awareness of what is going on in their lives. We must be on top of sinful patterns and tendencies (e.g., laziness, self-righteousness, lust, deceit, vanity, pride, and so on). We need to learn their "hot button" temptations.
