We aren't simply collecting data on our daughters to file away. We seek to gain insight into their thoughts, temptations, and feelings so we can be poised to bring timely correction, hold our daughters accountable, and set boundaries to protect them from ungodly influences. From there, we want to help our daughters develop a plan to walk in godliness and make progress in biblical womanhood.

However, if our daughters do not show evidence of steady growth in godliness or are unresponsive to our training—dramatic action may be necessary. If a daughter is veering toward worldliness, we may need to cut off ties with an ungodly friend. If she has been dishonest, then maybe we need to remove cell phone or e-mail privileges. Her sin may require measures as drastic as taking away prized privileges or pulling her out of favorite activities. Proactive discipline may mean that you risk upsetting an otherwise "peaceful" situation in your home. It may initiate a conflict or trial. But there is too much at stake not to take action. We want our daughters to reap the sweet fruit of repentance.

But this dramatic action must be accompanied by explanation. Few things are more frustrating to a young person than the "because I said so" answer. This response is appropriate for the small child who does not yet have the capacity to understand our decisions. However, a teenager capable of rational thinking (most of the time!) will greatly benefit from an explanation. Effective mothering involves teaching our daughters to understand from Scripture why we've made particular decisions.

For this reason, C. J. and I had a long talk with Kristin about school, followed by several more conversations. As I had expected, she wasn't happy about our decision. We listened patiently to all of her objections and appeals and answered all of her questions. But then we carefully and thoroughly explained our reasons for bringing her home—our concern for her soul and our love for her. We told her that we wanted her life to bring glory to God and that sometimes that meant we had to make decisions she did not like. We outlined for Kristin the changes we hoped to see from her in the forthcoming year, and we concluded by reaffirming our love and affection for her. Although Kristin didn't agree with our decision, she was confident that we did it for her good. We didn't lose her heart.

If, after you have done all you can, your daughter remains unresponsive to your leadership, may I encourage you to obtain the help of godly friends or pastors? My daughters knew that if they refused to respond to C. J. and me, we wouldn't hesitate to ask others to counsel them. Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle have since told us that this was an incentive to repent. We must not be too proud to position our daughters to receive all the help they need. And in addition to requesting counsel for our daughters, we should seek evaluation of our parenting as well.