Give each other grace. Remember how much grace God gives you every day, and let your gratefulness motivate you to offer grace to your spouse. Understand that living in an atmosphere of grace will get rid of destructive emotions like guilt, shame, and bitterness and inspire you and your spouse each to work on changing for the better. Instead of blaming your spouse for problems, accept the person he or she is – flaws and all – and accept responsibility for your own contribution to the problems in your marriage. Realize that trying to change your spouse is futile; instead, pray for him or her persistently, trusting that God will work through His Spirit to bring about real and lasting change whenever your spouse seeks Him. Rely on God’s help to forgive your spouse whenever he or she makes mistakes.

Show appreciation whenever your spouse does something that blesses you. Pray for the confidence to be who you are, rather than pretending to be the person you think your spouse wants you to be. Give your spouse the freedom to be authentic without fear of being criticized for it. Respect and embrace each other’s unique personality and gender differences, and learn how to use those differences to complement each other and build a stronger marriage. Don’t let rigid, traditional marriage roles frustrate you; recognize that there are many ways of doing what needs to be done in your shared household. Think and pray about creative solutions for assigning collaborative roles that take advantage of each other’s interests and talents and don’t place too much of a burden on one spouse over the other. Be flexible enough to change role assignments for a season when each other’s circumstances or needs change.

Empower each other. Remember that marriage is a relationship of equals who mutually submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Follow Christ’s example of self-giving by considering each other’s needs rather than just your own and serving your spouse out of love. Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. Do all you can to help your spouse reach his or her full potential, and welcome help that your spouse gives you. Rather than just yielding to your spouse’s wishes or trying to force your own way, join forces to use each of your personal resources for the good of your marriage and God’s glory.

Ask God to give you and your spouse a vision for what He wants your marriage to be like, and choose to mutually invest in your future together. Working together, seek to become all that God intends you to become, both individually and as a couple. Express your views honestly and directly, and encourage your spouse to do the same. Do your best to understand each other’s perspective and remember that two perspectives are better than one when it comes to solving problems. Make yourselves accountable to each other and make every effort to fulfill your responsibilities to each other – not just to fulfill a duty, but because you share genuine love.