Pursue intimacy. Pray for the courage to be truly open and honest with your spouse about your deepest thoughts and feelings. Take the risks necessary to share your fears and dreams. Create a safe atmosphere for your spouse to feel comfortable to do the same with you. Understand that your need to be known is a valid one, and do your best to get to know your spouse. Spend significant amounts of time talking and listening together. Focus on listening attentively, putting your own agenda aside to pay full attention to what your spouse is saying. Don’t interrupt or interpret your spouse’s message while he or she is talking. After your spouse is finished, repeat back the basic message you heard in your own words to check whether or not you heard it accurately. Pay attention to your spouse’s body language and tone of voice, as well, for cues to how he or she is feeling. Try to see the issue from your spouse’s point of view.
If either you or your spouse has been betrayed in the past, work through the healing process together so you can regain trust. Think and pray about how each of your families of origin have influenced the way you relate to your spouse and others today. Then work on changing unhealthy patterns to healthy ones. Remember that sexual intimacy will strengthen your emotional intimacy as a couple. Pray with and for each other regularly, and discuss your spiritual journeys often. Whenever you encounter a crisis, reach out to God for wisdom and comfort and turn to each other for courage and understanding. Work to develop a marriage that can withstand any difficulties you all might face.
Seek God’s will together. Whenever you’re facing key decisions, seek God’s will about them through prayer, Bible reading and reflection, counseling, and feedback from family, friends, and fellow church members.
Deal with conflict wisely. Acknowledge and face the conflicts that come up in the normal course of your marriage. Identify the core issue and focus just on that without getting distracted. Agree to discuss the issue at a neutral place and time. Come with a desire to use the conflict to help strengthen your relationship. Refuse to bring up past mistakes. Avoid emotional hot buttons when talking with each other. Don’t dismiss your spouse’s concerns; take them seriously. Avoid "why" questions that often lead to blame. Keep the conflict between the two of you, without involving a third party. Don’t ridicule your spouse. Respect each other’s right to veto the discussion if one of you breaks the rules for fighting fairly. Take breaks at the end of each discussion round. Work together to find creative solutions.
Keep your bond strong through different seasons. As you and your spouse pass through the various seasons of marriage, work together to revise your dreams and goals. For example, when you have your first child, discuss how you’ll incorporate your parenting roles into your relationship, and when you retire, figure out how to find fresh meaning in how you spend your time.
