Balance work and family. Be fair and flexible when assigning childcare, household chores, and other duties to each other. Keep in mind each of your current work schedules and other commitments, and do all you can to support your spouse so neither of you becomes overwhelmed with your individual responsibilities. Rather than just reacting to life’s pressures, agree with your spouse on priorities and develop a proactive plan for how to handle every aspect of work and family life. Be willing to let non-essential tasks go during particularly busy seasons, and welcome help from family and friends.

Enjoy a healthy sexual relationship. Remain faithfully committed to each other. Clearly and directly express your personal sexual preferences and get to know your spouse’s as well. Respect each other’s preferences, seek to please each other, and don’t coerce your spouse outside of his or her comfort zone. Know each other’s sexual history and work compassionately to help your spouse find healing if he or she has experienced any past trauma such as rape or abuse. Never use sex to control your spouse. Work out conflicts regularly so you don’t bring them into the marriage bed. Keep your romance alive through creativity and fun. If either you or your spouse desires sex more often than the other, work together to find middle ground. The spouse with less desire can find some new ways to be receptive, and the spouse with more desire can divert some sexual energy into other activities that enhance your marriage. If your marriage has been damaged by an affair, get counseling and do all you can to reconcile.

Grow spiritually together. Remember that God is using your marriage to help both you and your spouse mature into the kind of people He wants you to become. If your spouse is at a different level of spiritual maturity than you are right now, seek to inspire and support each other. Listen to each other’s concerns with compassion. Pray together often. Read, study, and meditate on the Bible together. Participate actively in church, worshipping together. Take advantage of marriage enrichment events and programs at your church. Find a couple you admire to mentor you. Work in your community to serve others together. Go on retreats together. Thank God regularly for the gift of your marriage. Rely on strength from the Holy Spirit to incorporate your beliefs into your actions in every part of your lives.

Jack O. Balswick (Ph.D., University of Iowa) is professor of sociology and family development, and director of marriage and family research at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. He has twice received an American Senior Fulbright Scholar Fellowship. He has been associate editor of the Journal of Marriage and Family, Family Relations, Journal for Scientific Study of Religion and Religious Research Review. He has authored or co-authored articles in over 70 professional publications and has presented papers at conferences around the world. He is author or coauthor of 17 books, including Men at the Crossroads, The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home, The Gift of Gender, Social Problems: A Christian Understanding and Response, Relationship Empowerment Parenting, Authentic Human Sexuality and The Reciprocating Self: Human Development in Theological Perspective.

Judith K. Balswick (Ed.D., University of Georgia) is a licensed and practicing marriage and family therapist in practice for over thirty years and taught for over twenty years in the marriage and family therapy program at Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, California. She has served on the editorial board of Marriage and Family: A Christian Journal since 1997 and she has contributed articles to that journal and to several others, including Family Ministry Journal, American Journal of Pastoral Counseling, Journal of Psychology and Christianity and Marriage Partnership. She is author or coauthor of The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home, The Gift of Gender, Mothers and Daughters Making Peace, Raging Hormones, Life Ties, Then They Leave Home, Family Pain, Relationship-Empowerment Parenting, The Two Paycheck Marriage and Authentic Human Sexuality.