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Is It Wrong to Date a Non-Christian?
Christy Shipe
Ask the Expert for Girls
Q. Is it wrong for me to date a non-Christian or have non-Christian friends? I really want to live my life for Christ, and at the moment, I'm really on fire for God. But the guy I like isn't really into God. My friends are, but not enough to stand up for what they believe. What should I do or should I do anything? - Amber
A. It's certainly OK to have non-Christian friends. But dating a non-Christian is a different matter. When it comes to a relationship with a non-Christian, you have to be careful about how close and how vulnerable you allow yourself to be with that person.
The main Bible passage on this issue is 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ... What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: 'I will live among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.' 'Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.' ... Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence to God."
Let's look at this passage a little bit. God commands us not to be yoked together with unbelievers. According to my dictionary, one definition of yoke is "to join, couple, link, or unite." This verse is saying don't be joined closely together or united with an unbeliever. That certainly means that we should not marry an unbeliever, because marriage is the strongest human bond in existence.
The reason we are not to be bonded with unbelievers is also clear from this passage. God does not want us to be corrupted by close relationships with unbelievers. The fact is, if someone is not for God then they are against Him. You cannot be neutral with God. You're either on His side or on the side of the enemy. How can we be united with someone who is against what should be the most important part of our lives, our relationship with God?
I think the wisest thing is to not date unbelievers. Why date someone you can't marry? And even if you aren't interested in marriage, you risk damaging your purity and holiness by dating an unbeliever. A dating relationship is one of mutual love, commitment and affection. You open yourself up to your boyfriend, letting him into your heart and emotions. You make yourself vulnerable to him. You and he are a team; you take his side and he takes your side. This is a dangerous kind of relationship to have with an unbeliever.
Anyone who has unsaved family or friends can tell you how difficult it is to remain strong in the Lord when those around us don't believe in Him. The Bible even warns, "Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character." (1 Corinthians 15:33) Even if you have good character, you need to be careful when deciding who to spend a lot of time with.
For these reasons, I think it is also wise to not constantly surround yourself with unsaved friends. It's hard enough during your teen years to withstand temptation. And it's even harder if all your friends are living by a different standard than you are. You should try to form close relationships with Christian friends who will encourage you to do the right thing. If you are having particular problems with temptation, spend more time with the Christian friends. Don't spend tons of time with people who are going to drag you down and make it difficult to follow God.
In your relationships with unbelievers, you do not want to give them too much influence over your life and your emotions. Instead, you want to keep a solid walk with God so you can witness to them and help them have their own relationship with God. Non-Christians are very critical of hypocrisy in Christians, and one of the best ways to witness to them is to remain faithful to your convictions.
Reach out to every non-Christian that you can with compassion and kindness. Be ready to share the gospel with them. But guard yourself against very close emotional relationships with them in order to keep your testimony pure. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)
A. It's certainly OK to have non-Christian friends. But dating a non-Christian is a different matter. When it comes to a relationship with a non-Christian, you have to be careful about how close and how vulnerable you allow yourself to be with that person.
The main Bible passage on this issue is 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ... What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: 'I will live among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.' 'Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.' ... Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence to God."
Let's look at this passage a little bit. God commands us not to be yoked together with unbelievers. According to my dictionary, one definition of yoke is "to join, couple, link, or unite." This verse is saying don't be joined closely together or united with an unbeliever. That certainly means that we should not marry an unbeliever, because marriage is the strongest human bond in existence.
The reason we are not to be bonded with unbelievers is also clear from this passage. God does not want us to be corrupted by close relationships with unbelievers. The fact is, if someone is not for God then they are against Him. You cannot be neutral with God. You're either on His side or on the side of the enemy. How can we be united with someone who is against what should be the most important part of our lives, our relationship with God?
I think the wisest thing is to not date unbelievers. Why date someone you can't marry? And even if you aren't interested in marriage, you risk damaging your purity and holiness by dating an unbeliever. A dating relationship is one of mutual love, commitment and affection. You open yourself up to your boyfriend, letting him into your heart and emotions. You make yourself vulnerable to him. You and he are a team; you take his side and he takes your side. This is a dangerous kind of relationship to have with an unbeliever.
Anyone who has unsaved family or friends can tell you how difficult it is to remain strong in the Lord when those around us don't believe in Him. The Bible even warns, "Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character." (1 Corinthians 15:33) Even if you have good character, you need to be careful when deciding who to spend a lot of time with.
For these reasons, I think it is also wise to not constantly surround yourself with unsaved friends. It's hard enough during your teen years to withstand temptation. And it's even harder if all your friends are living by a different standard than you are. You should try to form close relationships with Christian friends who will encourage you to do the right thing. If you are having particular problems with temptation, spend more time with the Christian friends. Don't spend tons of time with people who are going to drag you down and make it difficult to follow God.
In your relationships with unbelievers, you do not want to give them too much influence over your life and your emotions. Instead, you want to keep a solid walk with God so you can witness to them and help them have their own relationship with God. Non-Christians are very critical of hypocrisy in Christians, and one of the best ways to witness to them is to remain faithful to your convictions.
Reach out to every non-Christian that you can with compassion and kindness. Be ready to share the gospel with them. But guard yourself against very close emotional relationships with them in order to keep your testimony pure. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)
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About six months ago I started seeing someone who was not a Christian. I still attend church and she encourages it. We go to church events and pray together saying grace etc... I have sent parts of the Song of Songs to her. She asked me where I learned to treat someone so good and I replied "The Bible and my Pastor". I have showed her some good works but it's still a work in progress. We love one another. I have over 26 things in common with her. From the same hobbies to the same cell phone voice mail code. I am working with my Pastor on this and I am aware of the warnings. She loves me for who I am.