What Does the Bible Really Say About Sex Before Marriage?

I am a Christian and I have sex with my girlfriend. I believe I'm going to marry her, but I want to know where in the Bible it says not to have sex before marriage.

The Bible is filled with lots of info about sex, and believe it or not, God thinks it's a great idea! And why shouldn't He, He invented it. (See also, "Is it OK to kiss my girlfriend?") But, just as it would be unwise to ice skate on a lake in the middle of summer, it's also unwise to have sex with anyone who's not your husband or wife.

Why? There are tons of practical, common-sense reasons that have significant consequences. Some consequences include dealing with the possibility of pregnancy, acquiring or sharing a sexually transmitted disease, and the most underrated -- but possibly most impacting -- are the emotional issues that sexually active teens struggle with and take into their marriage.

Let's first take a look at what premarital sex is, what it includes, and what the Bible says about it.

What Does Premarital Sex Include?

Premarital sex is considered any sexual activity between individuals who are not married to each other. In the Bible, premartial sex is considered a sin and is often referred to as fornication.

What premarital sex includes is broader than just sexual intercourse. It can encompass all forms of sexual activity and behaviors that are of a sexual nature, such as oral sex, mutual masturbation, and any act that involves sexual gratification outside the bounds of marriage. The rationale behind this broad definition is the biblical principle that sexual purity is not merely about the physical act of sex but involves the heart, mind, and intentions of individuals (Matthew 5:27-28). This perspective seeks to honor the biblical teachings that reserve sexual intimacy for the marriage covenant between a man and a woman, as outlined in Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6, and Hebrews 13:4, among other scriptures.

But you asked for biblical evidence, so let's look at the following verses in more depth, along with some questions to consider:

Does the Bible Say Sex Before Marriage Is Wrong? YES!

While you won't find that specific phrase used in the Bible, the Bible repeatedly talks about "sexual immorality" or "sexual sins." These references to sex are talking about any sexual activity outside of marriage, so if you're having sex (or thinking about having sex) without being married ... God wants you to stop. The Bible clearly condemns sexual sins such as adultery and fornication. Some of the places you can find these verses are Hebrews 13:4 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 1 Thessalonians 4:7 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Colossians 3:5

In Song of Solomon 2:7 Song of Solomon 3:5 and Song of Solomon 8:4 there is a strong warning against premarital sex when it says, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." In other words, save sex for marriage!

God is not down on sex. He designed it to be so intense, so exciting, so memorable, so fun (!) that He wants us to share it with one person: our future wife. So if you haven't had sex yet ... keep waiting - you'll be glad you did! If you've already had sex, talk to God about it. He wants to forgive you and give you a fresh start. You can start over today - right now! Talk to God - He's waiting and willing to forgive you. Why? Because He loves you and he wants you to experience a life of freedom and blessing in following His commandments.

Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by everyone, and husband and wife should keep their marriage pure. God will judge as guilty those who take part in sexual sins."

• What are some ways marriage can be honored by everyone?
• What are some ways a husband and wife can keep their marriage pure?
• What is meant by sexual sins?

Based on this Scripture, marriage and sex within marriage is honorable whereas all other types of sexual activity is condemned and brings God's judgement.

1 Thessalonians 4:3,4,7 says, "God wants you to be holy and to stay away from sexual sins. He wants each of you to learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable ... God called us to be holy and does not want us to live in sin."

• What does it mean to be holy?
• What sexual sins does God want us to stay away from?
• What are practical ways we can control our bodies?
• What does it mean to not live in sin?

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 encourages us to "Run away from sexual sin. Every other sin people do is outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies."

• What's it mean to run from sexual sin?
• What does it mean that our body is God's temple and how should that affect us?

God's Law about No Sex Before Marriage Is For Our Benefit

Pretty heavy stuff! But remember, God is not down on fun, and He's not down on sex. Instead, He's down on pain. And He knows that if we pursue anything outside of His guidelines, we will suffer consequences. Here's the good part. Because of God's love for us, He has established sexual guidelines that will increase our sexual pleasure. Yup, when a husband and wife do things God's way, they can enjoy some great sex!

And so until you're married, God wants you to pursue and love Him, and to honor and love your current girlfriend and your future spouse by waiting to have sex until you're married.

Sure, you've already had sex, but you can begin waiting today. And sure, maybe sexual sin is something you've struggled with for a long time and don't think you can just stop. So how about taking the first step and asking for God's help? Are you willing to do that?

And then how about taking the next step and asking a friend to pray with you and encourage you? You might even need to break up with your girlfriend. I don't know. And because I don't know the specifics of your situation, that's why you need to be encouraged and supported by friends.

5 Ways Premarital Sex Effects You and Hurts You

From a Christian biblical perspective, premarital sex isn't just about breaking a rule; it's about the deeper impact it can have on individuals spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Here are five ways premarital sex can hurt you, grounded in Christian teachings and principles:

1. Spiritual Disconnection

Premarital sex can lead to a sense of disconnection from God. In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Paul warns against sexual immorality because it sins against one's own body, which is meant to be a temple of the Holy Spirit. Engaging in premarital sex can make individuals feel distant from God, struggling with guilt and shame, which can affect their spiritual life and relationship with Him.

2. Emotional Complications

Sex is designed to be a deep expression of love and commitment within the confines of marriage, creating a strong emotional bond between partners (Genesis 2:24). Engaging in this bond outside of marriage can lead to emotional pain and confusion, as it intertwines lives in ways that may not have a commitment to sustain them, potentially leading to heartbreak and emotional distress.

3. Interferes with Future Relationships

Premarital sex can carry into future relationships, creating issues of trust, jealousy, and comparison. These emotional baggages can be difficult to navigate and heal from, impacting the ability to fully trust and be open with future partners. As Proverbs 4:23 advises, guarding one's heart is crucial because it influences all aspects of life.

4. Undermines Self-Worth

Engaging in premarital sex, especially in a culture that often objectifies individuals, can lead to feelings of being used and a diminished sense of self-worth. The biblical perspective teaches that every person is valuable and created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Premarital sex can sometimes lead to feeling valued only for one’s physical attributes, rather than the wholeness of the person.

5. Risk of Physical Consequences

While modern society has ways to mitigate some physical risks, such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, no method is foolproof. Beyond the physical risks, the Bible warns against the spiritual and emotional consequences of sexual immorality. The fear and anxiety of potential physical consequences can also lead to emotional and spiritual stress.

In summary, from a Christian perspective, premarital sex can have profound spiritual, emotional, and physical impacts on an individual's life. The teachings of Christianity advocate for sexual purity not just as a rule, but as a path to deeper fulfillment, healthier relationships, and a closer connection with God, based on principles of love, commitment, and mutual respect.

What if You've Already Had Sex Before Marriage?

It has been estimated that 40 percent of professing Christians engaged in sex before marriage––even though they knew it was in disobedience to God’s command.  While our culture makes light of sexual encounters outside of marriage, the Bible is very clear that God’s perfect plan for sex is found in the security of the marriage covenant. 

Conviction vs. Guilt: What’s the difference?

If you have a relationship with Jesus, the Spirit of the Most High God lives in your heart–isn’t that amazing? Jesus “tabernacles” with you (see Revelation 21:3). God grants us His Spirit to transform our hearts, causing what was once dead to become alive unto Christ. When you are truly redeemed God will guide you with His Spirit to help you walk the path of obedience to His will for your life.

Just as a good father guides his children toward obedience for their own good, so through conviction our Heavenly Father––because of His great love for us––protects us from Satan’s schemes to destroy our lives through sinful choices. Therefore, to feel conviction is a good thing because: God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance (Romans 2:4).

Guilt on the other hand is that ugly finger the enemy points into your face and whispers lies like:

• Your ugly past makes you less than acceptable to serve the Lord.
• If people knew about your sinful past they would reject you.
• You are the only one who made such terrible choices in your past.

Please understand I am not talking about sexual abuse. If you are wrestling with guilt over how someone took advantage of you sexually, you have no reason to feel guilt or shame. If a person violated you, they are the one who has sinned––not you. I was molested as a six-year-old, so I understand the thoughts that can creep into our minds. But I also know there is victory over those thoughts––with the help of biblical counselors. If this is your story, please seek a professional counselor.

If you are a believer, and you wrestle with past guilt over sexual immorality, you’ll be happy to know the Bible plainly teaches that Jesus is ready and willing to forgive those who have not been obedient to God’s plan for sexual intimacy. 

For example, in John 8:7 we have all heard the story of how Jesus came to the defense of the adulterous woman when He challenged her accusers saying: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

Sexual sin is no worse than any other sin that we commit. It is however a sin against our own bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18), and the enemy uses it to haunt us with shame––if we do not look to the One who can cleanse us completely. 

If you're carrying baggage of guilt from sexual experiences before marriage, it is time to clear your heart––and mind, and be set free from the shame.

*Taken from Rhonda Stoppe’s book: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Great Sex in Marriage

Additional Scriptures about Avoiding Sex Before Marriage

"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." ~ 1 Corinthians 7:1-4

"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." ~ 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you." ~ 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

"Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. You know that he appeared to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother." ~ 1 John 3:4-10

"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." ~ Galatians 5:19-21

This article is part of our larger Spiritual Life resource meant to answer your questions about the Bible, God, and the Christian faith. Visit our most popular questions on “What does the Bible say about…” questions answered by well-known Christians and theologians to find more inspiration. Remember that as you read these articles, the Holy Spirit will give you understanding and discernment to make the right decision for your walk with Jesus Christ! If you know others struggling with these faith questions, please share and help others discover the truth on these controversial topics. 

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