In college, you have a teacher who will stand up and lecture over the assigned reading, which you may or may not have done depending on when you went to bed the previous evening. Every few weeks of lecture, you will have a test, or a quiz, that carries a certain percentage of your final grade. And then at the end of the semester, quarter, or trimester (trimester always makes me think of pregnancy for some reason), you have a final exam. I think I had one comprehensive final exam during my whole college experience. The academics were challenging, but that was chiefly due to the fact that I was traveling in a full-time music group, working 15-20 hours a week, and being reasonably social. Throw in a few cases of Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper and Cheese Whiz, and you have the gist of my college experience.
Law school is different. That is possibly the most understated sentence I have ever written. First of all, if you want to survive, doing the assigned reading is no longer an option! In class, the teacher will peer around the room, as nervous students set new PPM records (prayers per minute). Finally, a decision is reached: Mr. Carden, tell us about the Thompson case. I swallow my heart, and various other organs, as I begin sharing with the teacher and the other 70 students about the Thompson case. The scary part is that if you havent done the reading, the teacher will STILL ask you, and STILL wait for your answer! Or possibly he will excuse you for the day. Or possibly, he will excuse HIMSELF for the day ... and then put the Thompson case on the test! Notice I used the singular test instead of tests. In law school, there is one test per class. Thats your grade. If you want to see some stressed-out people, visit a law library in December or May. Leave your air horns at home. Oh, and social life? Dont even ask. Now its work and school. I have added two more trips to the beach since I last wrote about law school (January) but thats about it. And, for those who are still wondering, I did make it through the Thompson case without being excused for the day.
Not only do we have the rigors of law school, we have the bar exam to look forward to! You can tell a third-year law student by sneaking up behind him and whispering bar exam. If he turns white as a ghost and clutches his chest, hes either a third-year law student, or he just scares easily. Actually, those third-year students are usually as white as ghosts (pigmentally challenged?) anyway, because they remain huddled in offices crowded with books studying for the bar exam. I witnessed one such poor soul emerging from his apartment. He blinked away the sunlight and asked, Is it July yet? I told him it wasnt. Oh well, he said sadly, as he turned and went back inside. OK, so Im exaggerating a bit here. It COULDVE happened that way.
Speaking of books, law books are heavy, by the way! I had a solid oak bookshelf that collapsed under the weight of my books for six classes. OK, OK, it was a couple of cardboard boxes turned on end and stacked up, but I imagined it as solid oak. The books are still really heavy.
But its all worth it. Right? I mean, three years of school, then the worst test of your life, then you get to practice law. Yes, being a lawyer is what its all about. The respect and dignity of the legal profession ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Whew, excuse me while I wipe away the tears! Im sorry, where was I? Oh, yes, practicing law. I want to take this opportunity to send kudos out to my good friends Darren and Peter of the Oak Brook School of Law who passed the California Bar Exam on their first attempt. President John F. Kennedy failed at least twice. Home schoolers 2 Kennedys 0. (Lest I offend any Democrats, Im sure some very prominent Republicans and Independents have failed the bar exam as well.)[EDITOR'S NOTE: NEVER SHOW THESE ARTICLES TO FELLOW LAW STUDENTS. I MUST UNFORTUNATELY WITHDRAW THE PRESIDENT KENNEDY JOKE FOR ITS INACCURACY. IT WAS JOHN F. KENNEDY, JR. WHO FAILED THE BAR EXAM JOKE. MY APOLOGIES.]
Actually, Im still looking forward to being a lawyer. I want to be able to put these years of enjoyable torture to good use (I realize enjoyable torture makes as much sense as nuclear medicine, but its the best I can do). Ive spent the summer working as an intern for the Texas Justice Foundation in San Antonio. Ive seen these Christian attorneys standing on the front lines, battling for our freedom. And on a brief side note, I learned a little humility: My boss introduced me to people as Josh Conrad twice! I also worked with four other interns: Blake, Heidi, Sarah, and Heather, who were a constant source of lively debate and discussion. We proved that iron does indeed sharpen iron but only if you beat it together constantly! Im looking forward to taking my place among attorneys like these, and hopefully, bringing some respect back to the legal profession. Of course, if youve read some of my earlier columns, you know that Ive got a lot to live down first! Shh, itll be our little secret .
