Every dad leaves a legacy. I have learned a few things through trial and many errors about being a dad who is trying to leave a positive legacy. Previous installments detailed two ways to leave a good legacy.

1. Love Your Wife
2. Affirm Your Kids

Today we will examine two more ways to establish a positive legacy. And we are adding a very dangerous twist today. I polled my three sons about my strengths and (gasp) shortcomings as their father. Those knee-buckling results were both sobering and encouraging.

First, the third way to leave a positive legacy as a dad.

   3.  Enjoy every mile of the journey

The best description I have heard about being a parent is this bit of wisdom:  “Parenting…the days are long and the years are short.”

In his book, Being a Good Dad When You Didn't Have One, Tim Wesemann gives his readers a two-word piece of advice: "Lighten up!"  He says that adults laugh an average of 15 times a day while children laugh 400 more times. "Sometime between childhood and adulthood, we lose 385 laughs a day! That's a great loss!" Wesemann says.  "Maybe we need not only the faith of a child but the funny bone of one as well."

I agree. One of my favorite moments happened on a family trip. Brett is several years younger than his siblings. I was addressing his older brothers’ behavior when I snapped at the boys and said in my best dad voice, “You are acting like children." Brett was only five, and he thought I was including him in the accusation. He pondered the comment and then said, “But I am a children." The laughter from the backseat derailed my dad authority and it definitely lightened the moment. The family that can laugh together has a huge advantage in the journey.

The Psalmist wrote these words:  "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward." Sometimes it is hard to remember what a blessing those little ones are when they are holding their breath at Wal-Mart. I encourage parents to enjoy every phase of their children’s journey. And I learned that what your children take away as favorite memories may be surprising. One of the questions I asked my sons was their favorite memories of time with me. I expected that they would remember the big trips we took together or some expensive outing. I was humbled by their responses.

Firstborn son Matt:   "My favorite memories are throwing the baseball/football in the front yard of our Pecan Valley house, going to baseball games and growing up around sports." 

Second born son Scott:   "Playing catch in the backyard for hours on end, even when your knees hurt.  Going to cut down Christmas Trees every November and stopping at the Dairy Queen on the way home."

Youngest son Brett:   "You coaching my sports teams and going to cut down the Christmas tree."

It was the little things that counted for them. The memories that really mattered to them were things that cost me only time. Each one of the boys felt valued when they felt I had sacrificed or made a special effort to spend time with them. I thought the big things mattered the most but I was wrong.

   4. Be a Role Model

The fourth way to leave a positive legacy is to model what you are teaching. Here is a powerful quote from Clarence Budington Kelland:  “My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and he let me watch him do it.” Wow. I have seen that prove out in my own life. I can tell you exactly what my father modeled for me,  but I would have a hard time remembering any of his lectures. I believe that is an overlooked component of the wisdom expressed in Proverbs:  "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." That training should include being a role model and then the verbal training will sink in. Being an authentic role model makes the message effective.

You are a role model for your children, like it or not. Your children will, to one degree or another, model their lives after you. You have inherited some of your father's characteristics and your children are inheriting some of yours.

Brett wrote in his responses,  "you are my biggest influence for everything."  Scary. Whether you know it or not (or mean to or not), you are influencing the lives of your children and your children's children.

You ARE a role model and every dad needs to reflect on that responsibility.

In Deuteronomy we find a great bit of advice for dads:  “Just make sure you stay alert. Keep close watch over yourselves. Don't forget anything of what you've seen. Don't let your heart wander off. Stay vigilant as long as you live. Teach what you've seen and heard to your children and grandchildren.”

You are preparing your children to leave home. That is your job as parents. Someday, they'll take what they've learned from you and begin to apply it out in the real world. You've got approximately 18 years to get them ready. I have joked that Joni and I had a sign on their bedroom doors that read, “Checkout Time is 18 Years…No Exceptions!” But we both believed we were stewards of our sons with the charge of preparing them to leave.

When I asked my boys what I had taught them, this is what I read:

From Scott:  "You taught me to love the Lord and trust Him with my life.  Your spiritual growth over the past decade has inspired me and taught me a lot about how to grow in the Lord. You taught me to be loyal and hard working in everything I'm involved with, and most importantly, to never give up.  Burchett's aren't quitters, even if they want to be sometimes."

From Brett:  "You taught me how to be a strong Christian man and how to play sports."

From Matt:  "Never quit something you started. Work hard. Do everything with excellence. Treat everybody with respect and genuine kindness."

Before you think that I am some really great Dad, let's return to the third question I asked the boys: what they wish I had done differently. Their responses were consistent and they saddened me. I share this in the hope that young dads will take this to heart.

Matt:    "I wish you could have been home more."
Scott:  "I wish you could have been home more."
Brett:   "I wish you could have been home more."

And here is what I wish I had done differently. I wish I would have been home more. I cannot change the past. God is gracious and loving. My relationship with all of my boys is wonderful despite those misplaced priorities at times. Love does cover a multitude of sins. My sons know they are loved. They know they have my approval and respect. I am blessed by them.

Dave Burchett is an Emmy Award winning television sports director, author, and Christian speaker. He is the author of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People and Bring'em Back Alive: A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church. You can reply by linking through daveburchett.com.

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Identity theft is a big problem. It is one of the fastest growing crimes in the United States and recent stats suggest that 10 million cases occurred in the past year. The rise of identity theft has produced a number of companies that protect you from criminals that might steal your good name and credit rating. Somehow one of my card numbers was recently compromised and some low life was merrily buying electronic gear on my tab in Malaysia. Fortunately that was fairly easily resolved since I could prove that I was safely hunkered down in scenic Garland when the purchases were made.

But it occurred to me that another identity theft occurs in the lives of Christians all the time and there is very little uproar about it. I pondered if I could start a company to protect followers of Jesus from this serious and sometimes tragic crime. The crime is Christian identity theft. Any follower of Jesus has the potential to fall victim. The target of this scam is the truth found in the Second Letter to the Church at Corinth.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2^nd Corinthians, 5:17)

Because of Christ you have a new identity. You are righteous because of Him and not because of trying to do more right “stuff”. You are a saint and there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. It is a liberating and joyous message. But there is a problem. Satan hates that message of hope and change. And so he goes about trying to “steal’ our identity in Christ. I am afraid we make it all too easy because we find it difficult to really trust that we are changed. When we fail the old tapes are instantly cued and start playing loudly.

You will never change.
You always do that.
I can’t believe you did that again.
What is wrong with you?
You would not be having these problems if you were (pick one or more):   

Reading God’s Word more faithfully                                                                                                                       Praying more fervently 
Studying the Bible more seriously                                                                                                                        Doing more in the church

All of those things on the to list are wonderful. But that list is not what makes you righteous. You are righteous because of Christ. Period. When you trust that and believe that you have a new identity then the list above becomes a grateful desire and not a begrudging obligation to try and be better. All of the guilt and shame and sin that used to define you is no longer true. That old life is gone. You are a new creation. New life has begun. All of those accusations that Satan (and others who are quite happy to help) hurl your way are no longer true about you. 

My life was changed nearly 40 years ago when I decided to trust Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It has just been in the past two years that I have begun to fully understand who I am in Christ and that I live my life daily in grace. I have often quoted from the book Truefaced. This statement rocked my world.

If you are a Christian God is not interested in changing you. That has already happened. You were changed when you trusted Christ. You were imputed with His righteousness. Your very spiritual DNA was rewritten and you became a new person. So the change happened right away. God is now interested in maturing you into what is already true about you.

That has been my journey for the last two years. When the accuser starts I simply remind myself that those things are no longer true about me. I have a new identity.

Protect your identity in Christ with even more fervor than you protect your financial identity. Remind yourself daily who you are. That you are a new person. A saint. Righteous because of Christ. A new life has begun. Live it joyfully and without condemnation.

Dave Burchett is an Emmy Award winning television sports director, author, and Christian speaker. He is the author of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People and Bring'em Back Alive: A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church. You can reply by linking through daveburchett.com.

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I have probably been to New York City sixty times. But I still act like a tourist when I walk the streets of Manhattan. I look at people and make eye contact with those I encounter. That makes me weird in a place where weird is almost the norm. Today on a morning walk in search of Dunkin Donuts coffee I passed a woman who was weeping as she walked down the street. My heart went out to her and I wondered what her pain might be. Did she lose a loved one? A relationship? Did she lose her job? Perhaps she or someone she loves had received a devastating diagnosis. Or maybe she felt hopeless and alone. I wanted to pray with her but I feared that my intrusion might be misunderstood. So I prayed silently for her. A mystery women in pain amongst ten million people with their own problems. I will never know the cause of her tears. But God does.

Not fifteen minutes later I noticed a young woman standing outside the door of an office building. She was crying softly. Again I wondered what was going on in her life? I prayed for her as I walked. I have to tell you that the morning walk was a bit sobering today. Maybe that is why New Yorkers mind their own business. There is so much pain and so many hurting people in this city and if you look around around it is easy to see. And you feel helpless in many ways. But I believe that God hears my prayers. So I am trusting God to send His people into the lives of these hurting souls.

I thought about how self-centered and self-absorbed I can become. I don’t have any idea what other people are going through when I get frustrated with them. There is a powerful song by the country group Sawyer Brown about how infrequently we stop to consider that other people might be enduring real trials. The video is well worth three minutes of your time. Here is a sample of the lyrics from the song “They Don’t Understand”.

Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurried up trying to make a dream come true
They don't understand
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
'Cause you never really know what your neighbors going through
They don't understand

I remember driving away from one of Joni’s early doctor appointments after her breast cancer diagnosis. Joni was driving her car as I followed her home. She was distracted (imagine that) and missed her turn. She drove forward to the next opportunity to turn left and double back. Because she temporarily blocked the left lane a guy laid on his horn and started gesturing. I remembering thinking that this guy was not a quality human being (rough translation). I wondered if it would make a difference in the attitude of this, uhhh, not really nice homosapian if he knew what was going through my wife’s mind. He was busy worrying about his 20 second delay as she was thinking about her health, her family, her job and maybe her life. So I try to step back, breathe, and ask for patience.

When I get too self-righteous I have a sure fire cure. I look in the mirror. What I see there is a man who is capable of nearly everything I get angry about with others. And I am humbled again that somehow God is patient with me as I work this out. Regular readers know of my admiration for the group Casting Crowns. The song “Who Am I” comes to mind in this context.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.

Take a moment to meditate on that. Then take a moment to meditate on a later verse.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.

That God sees my sin and looks on me with love is mind boggling. How can I accept that love and not at least attempt to offer it to others? Because there is not a (Christian cussing warning) dang thing that I have done to deserve mercy like that. Too often I fear that I judge and have judged people who acted poorly because of incredible pain and difficulty in their life. The thought that I might add to the song is who am I that I should not extend the grace to others that I have received in spite of who I am? This is my favorite bridge of the lyric.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

That is the message I hope to spend my remaining days proclaiming. I have hope and freedom and joy. Not because of who I am or what I have done. My hope, freedom and joy are because of Christ. Because of what He did for me. Christ has given me a new identity. I am given His righteousness and I am freed from condemnation, guilt and shame. I wish I could have shared that with those two souls who were shedding tears today. Pray that someone will.

Dave Burchett is an Emmy Award winning television sports director, author, and Christian speaker. He is the author of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People and Bring'em Back Alive: A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church. You can reply by linking through daveburchett.com.

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Perhaps I should direct my writing time to t-shirt slogans. It would certainly be at least as profitable as my current efforts. Today I saw TWO different t-shirts about hearing voices. One shirt said “I hear voices and they don’t like you”. Another one said “Even if the voices in my head aren’t real they do have some good ideas”. I got a chuckle out of that one.

But after further thought I think that the voices in my head rarely, if ever, have good ideas. I am talking about the voices that were programmed from childhood. Negative parents, teachers, coaches, siblings, friends (?), other Christians (?) and assorted others have laid down tracks to my negative thoughts life soundtrack mix. Favorite cuts like these are always cued and ready to be played. You will never change. You always do that. I can’t believe you did that again. What is wrong with you?

I get letters and emails and stories nearly every day from heartbroken people in the church. It almost always starts out the same way. I was serving Jesus and it was going great. Then I could almost list a column of bad things and have them check all that apply.

___ Another churchgoer did or said something.
___ Someone took my rightful place or took me out of my rightful place.
___ I didn’t get appreciated or honored. 
___ I was disappointed by someone in leadership.
___ No one cared about my hurt.

That is when the voices jump in and I read them in their letters. The voice starts telling them what they want to hear. That they should never have said that to you or did that to you if they were really a Christian. That you deserved that spot, not them. How dare they take you from that position? Maybe the voice reminds you of how hard you work and they don’t care. Or how they don’t do anything and you have to do it all and they still don’t care. That they play favorites and you are not getting the respect and honor you deserve.

Those voices rob you of your joy in serving Jesus. Let’s be honest. If we are serving Christ out of grateful appreciation of His saving grace then we should be serving without expectation. Have I done that really well? No. Am I getting better? A little bit. Baby steps.

There is another voice. It is much softer and requires a lot more effort to hear. You have to slow down and be quiet and spend time in prayer and God’s Word. Casting Crowns has a great song called the “Voice of Truth” that describes this spiritual battle.

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again, "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

The song goes on to describe that other voice.

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Jesus had to deal with that voice. Three times He was tempted by Satan (Matthew 4). The very men who Jesus invested His life into heard that voice and made ungodly suggestions. James and John wanted to call down fire from heaven to destroy a town that did not welcome them. Jesus rebuked them. And Peter got his hair parted when he tried to explain to Jesus that the events the Lord had just outlined really couldn’t happen.

But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things. “Heaven forbid, Lord,” he said. “This will never happen to you!” Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.” Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.  (Matt 16 NLT)

All of us hear those voices. The voices from bad experiences in our past may require help to erase. Here is a little tip that I have learned. The voice we tend to hear first in the spiritual battle is the loud one. Listen for the quiet voice. Be still. Pray. Read His Word. The Voice of Truth says, “This is for my glory.” That is a plumbline for righteous action. Is it for His glory? That is what the Voice of Truth tells you. The Voice of Truth tells you that you are righteous because of Christ. My friends at Truefaced ministries say it well. Those voices of past sin and failures and hurt are no longer who you are. God is no longer interested in changing you. You have already been changed into a new person because of Christ. You are a Saint. Imputed with righteousness. God is now interested in each one of us maturing into what is already true about us. And that requires learning which voices to listen to and believe.

Dave Burchett is an Emmy Award winning television sports director, author, and Christian speaker. He is the author of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People and Bring'em Back Alive: A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church. You can reply by linking through daveburchett.com.

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