Why Boring Days Are the Most Important to Your Marriage

Married life is made up of a lot of big moments. Getting engaged was the first one (though you weren’t actually married yet, it set the stage for a permanent future together). From there, you celebrate your wedding with friends and family, and you move into your first home together. Later on, your family of two might become a family of three (or four, five, six, or more). You cheer (and cry) when your babies go to kindergarten, and graduate high school. They leave the nest, and you embrace a new normal of life. These are just some of the highlights you might enjoy with your spouse, but life offers so many more big moments, from enjoying memorable vacations to celebrating holidays. 

It’s easy to only see the big moments in life. 

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), married life doesn’t swing from one major life event to the next. There is time in between. Weeknights that consist of doing laundry and dishes. Weekends with nothing on the calendar. Days that we haven’t filled up with big moments. Mundane days. 

(In)courage blogger Lisa Leonard writes that when she first married her husband, she believed that true love was based on “fluttery feelings and never disagreeing.” But when real life crashed around her, she learned the truth. 

“... after 16 years of marriage, I no longer believe it’s the highs and lows that make or break a marriage,” Leonard writes. 

“It’s day-to-day life that makes or breaks a marriage. The drain of the mundane can be exhausting.”

It turns out that the mundane days of marriage are even more important than the big ones. While you will never forget your wedding day or the day that your first child was born, those random Tuesday nights when you and your spouse are both tired and irritable are what have the power to strengthen your marriage… or break it down completely. 

Leonard explains, “Bricks pile up one at a time — a small comment that hurts or being too tired to share details from the day. Each one doesn’t seem like a big deal, but over days and weeks they pile up to create a wall.” 

When walls go up, our marriage is strained. And unless someone puts forth the effort to remove those bricks through acts of compassion, resentment builds. 

“The everyday stress of life is what makes marriage so challenging {and so beautiful}. Every day we have to fight the distance that wants to creep in and build a wall between us,” Leonard says. 

“Every day we have to hold each other, listen to each other, and share our hearts with each other. It isn’t fancy, but it matters. It isn’t complicated but it’s not simple either.”

The bottom line is this: 

“Marriages are built in the little, everyday moments of life.

“And marriages are broken through the everyday strain of life and the drain of the mundane.” 

Married couples need to remember that life consists of much more than cruises to the Caribbean and fancy anniversary dinners. While the special moments of marriage are wonderful and provide memories that will be cherished for years to come, the everyday moments are ultimately what makes a marriage last. 

Crosswalk.com contributing writer Debbie McDaniel says, “Marriage is an amazing gift from God. Yet often, the greatest gifts aren’t always cherished the way they should be. Life gets busy. We get hurried and distracted. We start taking each other for granted. We argue and let resentments rise. We compare our own marriages with those around us, longing for happily ever after, instead getting stuck in hurt and regret. We begin to drift apart. And sadly, many times, we start looking for the nearest ‘exit.’”

While it is easy to continue to build walls of hurt and resentment, Scripture calls us to live in a better way. 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

McDaniel explains what this means, writing, “Marriage takes two people, fully committed, choosing every day, to love and cherish. 50/50 will never be enough to see you through the toughest times. It’s only half effort and it seeks to compare what we’re doing with the other, always needing to check to see if they’re keeping up with expectations. This isn’t what God intends. His plan is covenant relationship, centered in Christ, loving through Christ; that is what will carry us through both good times and bad. It will take full effort of 100/100 to have a strong relationship which will thrive over time.”

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." (Mark 10:9)

Carrie Dedrick is an editor of Crosswalk.com. When she is not writing or editing, she can usually be found teaching dance classes, running marathons, or reading with at least one adopted dog on her lap. Carrie and her husband Dustin are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their first baby, a daughter, in October 2017.