1. Be intellectually mesmerizing. Hmm. This morning I did search through five dictionaries looking for the definition of a word ("restitution") that I preferred above the others. That seems reasonably intellectual. Or insanely picayune. They're so close! Point being: I may still have a chance at this one. So never mind.

2. Become aesthetically inspiring. I am, right now, wearing black crew socks, knee-length charcoal pajama-shorts, and a red plaid shirt. So. One down, for sure.

3. Become awesomely well read. So far today I've spent some time reading Dickens' "A Christmas Carol," Twain's "Huck Finn," and "The Philosophy of Andy Warhol," by Andy Warhol. I've read each so many times I could recite them in my sleep. Throw in "A Confederacy of Dunces," and you have about all I've read for the past 25 years. Two down.

4. Become physically astounding. So far today I've taken two naps. But I usually take four. Hope lives!

5.  Write muy gooder.  Pfffft. Enough said.


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