John, Delayed

I'm not a Bible scholar. I'm not a seminary student or graduate. I used to work in a kitchen that served the resident teaching priests at a major Jesuit college, but I'm afraid I didn't learn much there beyond that priests plus college students equals unending stream of exceptional gossip.

I am also not a pastor, reverend, deacon, youth minister, Sunday school teacher, small group leader, or small group member. I'm just (alas!) a regular, middle-aged guy who remembers just about none of his college education, and who (alas!) will never win any Most Likely To Show Up To Church Next Week awards. (They should give those out. I'm a guy. I like competition. Why don't they make church more competitive, is what I'd like to know. Like, we should all race up to take communion! Except that by that point in the service, something or other on my lower body has usually fallen asleep. So never mind.)

I am, however, most definitely a Christian. And as a Christian, I read the Bible. And as a normal human being, I very often have no idea what the Bible is talking about. Which is not the Bible's fault, of course. It's wholly mine. Wait. No, it's not. It's the culture's fault. Is it my fault I was raised watching a minimum of seven hours of television a day? Is it my fault that before I was 18 I'd seen so many movies that to this day I'm actually more comfortable thinking of my Actual Life as a movie (with a Bruce Springsteen soundtrack, if you must know), than I am thinking of it as ... something not shot in Technicolor?

Of course, I don't always think of my life as a Technicolor movie. Sometimes I think of it as a gritty documentary. The Cereal Killer: A Bowl. A Spoon. John Shore, for instance. Or Destiny Delayed: The Man Who Wouldn't Vacuum. Sometimes I think of it as a sitcom: John's Island, or (my favorite!) Everybody Loves John. Sometimes it's a cartoon. Quite often it's a talk show. Sometimes it's even a corporate training film. But I hate it when that happens.

Anyway, the point is, I feel like starting a regular commentary on the Gospel of John. So that's what I'm gonna do. But next time, now. Apparently.

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