I've recently been writing on 7 Reasons Women Stay in Bad Relationships. Yesterday morning, in response to What Others Might Think: Reason #3 Women Stay in Bad Relationships, Pt. 2, I received a message on my Facebook page from a woman who, the night before, had been physically abused by her husband.
Below is Marion's original note to me, as well as the responses to it that came in from others. I'm posting it all here for two reasons. Firstly, I'm amazed at how comprehensively they capture the range of thoughts and emotions that typically surround episodes of domestic violence. Secondly---and much more importantly---I'm hoping that those who read it will leave for Marion comments of prayers and support to help get her through this very difficult time. I know she is looking forward to reading such words of encouragement.
I changed the names of both "Marion" and her respondents, since only my "friends" can see my Facebook page.
So here we go:
Marion Stewart at 9:40am February 25
Well John last night I became one of these women! My husband grabed me by the neck & thru me into the kit. cabnets , when I tryed to move he pushed me again. I tryed to call the police and he grabed the phone and thru it and broke it. I had to hide in my son's closet and call the Police on my son's phone. They made him leave our home, now it looks like DIVORCE . After only two months of Marriage. And I know after past relationships this will not work.
John Shore at at 9:56am February 25
Oh, God, Marion: That's terrible. Just awful. I'm so terribly sorry this happened to you.
Janice Stone at 10:08am February 25
I'm praying for Marion. What a horrific thing to have happen.
John Shore at 10:11am February 25
Thanks, Janice. That's the way to do it. I hope Marion reads of your prayers.
Sandra Carpenter at 11:11am February 25
Marion, as terrible as your situation is, be proud of the fact that you are standing up for yourself and for your son and not staying in this destructive relationship. God bless and I pray you will find healing and true happiness.
John Shore at 11:22am February 25
That's exactly right. Thanks, Sandra.
Julie Lipton at 11:26am February 25
Why did we jump from this to divorce?
John Shore at 11:31am February 25
Um ... because after being married for only two months he took her by the neck and threw her into some kitchen cabinets, and then shoved her, and then broke their phone when she tried to call for help? I mean ... are you serious?
Cathy Butterton at 11:50am February 25
The outcome of constant abuse, especially the kind of violence Marion experienced, is never good. How can staying in a relationship where you are thrown into cabinets, being shoved and bullied ... glorify God? Marion, I'm concerned for your safety. Did you get a restraining order and maybe even move? It doesn't sound like a rational human being you are dealing with---and, Julie Lipton, until you have been treated this way, and walked away while your life and sanity are still in tact, you will never know what kind of courage it takes to not be a victim.
John Shore at 11:59am February 25
Amen to that.
Julie Lipton at 12:09pm February 25
Marion....my heart truly hurts for you and what you are going through. I did not mean for my comment to be offensive in anyway and if it came off like that....I am truly sorry. Thank you Cathy.... I suppose I thought that there might have been some steps in between this and divorce ... sorry for the misunderstanding on my part.
Cathy Butterton at 12:58 Februarly 25
My mother-in-law left her abusive husband after a lifetime of violence. But the years of staying with him took its toll on her, as well as her children. Luckily my husband is a loving, Christian man, but his childhood was a trainwreck out of which God rescued him.
Carla Singer at 1:56pm February 25
Julie Lipton, I think I know what you mean. Sometimes there can be steps in between of separation and the chance to get help and repair the relationship. Totally depends on the people involved, and the degree to which the abuser wants to change. And sometimes it can be successful, with a whole BUNCH of accountability and counsel and stuff. Not that I'm implying that's the case here. Only Marion can know if it's even a possibility ... kinda sounds like not. But I digress. I agree that the most important thing is for Marion to get to a place where she's safe. We're supporting & praying for you Marion.
John Shore at 2:13pm February 25
What Ms. Lipton meant (I know because she wrote me on the side) is that the Bible only allows for divorce due to adultery and abandonment, not for physical abuse. She herself is in an abusive relationship, but remains out of fidelity to what she believes the Bible commands her to do.
Carla Singer at 2:15pm February 25
Marion Spillman at 8:56am February 26
Dear Friends: I am O.K. and the kids are O.K. just a little shaken!
Thanks for all the sweet calls & notes thoughts & prayers. Although I got a called last night by one of Stevens family members and told that it was not a good Ideal for me to go public with what Steven did in lou of what he might do to me when he finds out.
My Thought is this!
That person has NEVER ever called me even once in the last yr I have lived with Steven not even to say Congradulations on the marrage to her brother, and never even asked if me or the kids are O.K.
But [she] felt it o.K. to criticize me for my actions.
One more reason WE DON"T TELL!
I will not apologize for asking my friends & family for prayers.
Also Steven took apart the home computer so I could not use it. So I have to go to the Library in the next town over. (No Library in Yantis Tx) So I will have to get back to all as I can.
Again thanks for all the heart felt LOVE & SUPPORT to all my friends & family.