The Bionic Breakdown
Tuesdays with Morrie worked for Mitch Alborn. Sundays with The New York Times works for others. But Wednesdays with Bionic Woman … now that’s what works for me. At least for this week.
I’ve been looking for a prime-time replacement for Alias, the stunt-laden, espionage-driven ABC series starring Jennifer Garner as international spy Sydney Bristow (it went off the air in '06). And I just might have found it in NBC’s new Bionic Woman series. British thespian Michelle Ryan plays the 21st-century version of the electronically-enhanced woman wonder (children of the ‘70s will remember Lindsay Wagner in the original series ... and the very cool lunchboxes).
In a more-chronological-than-important type of order, here’s what I learned from last night’s episode, the second of the new season:
- Saying goodbye to a fiancé is hard. Even if he was the one who made you bionic. And pretty much forever changed your life. Or saved it. Depends on your perspective.
- Sometimes loose floor boards in the closet of a former fiancé who is now deceased can contain purposely hidden treasure. Such as classified material. Like IQ tests, photos, etc. … basically an entire dossier on a now-alone-and-distraught fiancée.
- Having heated conversations/job interviews in a public restroom may not be wise, but it’s convenient should one need to throw up. It’s also a fitting locale where a job interviewer might say to an interviewee: “I’m not going to stand around and watch you flush your life down the toilet.” And that would be right before offering the interviewee the opportunity to “save the world.”
- If you are a high school student who has been caught taking drugs while on your high school campus, then saying “Pot’s not really a drug … it comes from the earth” is not a convincing argument nor a good excuse.
- Security camera footage is now in color. Who knew?
- The book What Color Is Your Parachute? can change your life.
- Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger.
- Bionic women have to be home by 7 p.m. every night to eat dinner. And they don’t work weekends.
- Sometimes big-name television stars who have been ousted from big-name shows on other networks … say, like Grey’s Anatomy on ABC, for example … might show up in a guest role and look A LOT like Isaiah Washington.
- Training as a bionic woman involves punching, kicking, and bumping into and knocking down some metal shelving. Also workout gloves, one-armed pull-ups in a dark warehouse, running, more running and still more running. More pull-ups (other arm) and then some martial arts.
- Bionic women can see through two-way mirrors.
- ’72 GTOs are cool again. Vroom, vroooom.
- “Eyes open, mouth closed.” Good advice for many situations.
- Bodies in body bags are always creepy. And looking at them can make you queasy.
- It’s hard to understand someone when they’re talking while brushing their teeth. Rinse first, then converse.
- If the good guys assure you that “hey, we’re the good guys” before peppering you with gun fire, chances are they’re not.
- Using a “we’re with The Department of Agriculture” line as your cover will only work for so long. After you plant some grenades, tote some machine guns and do some combat … people may start wondering.
- If the crazy, out-of-control first bionic woman suddenly reappears and tries to infiltrate the agency and says “I think someone tried to hack me,” chances are she’s still crazy and still out of control.
- If you’re interrogating a guy wearing camo, a pair of pliers can help with “extracting” any pertinent information.
- Taking repeated pictures (with flash) of a kid sister in a school theater production is not annoying. AT ALL. Not for anyone around you who is trying to watch the show. Really.
- A guitar-strumming-folk-sounding song can be a soundtrack closer for an episode of an action-packed television show that otherwise features techno music with bass beats and pulsating rhythms throughout.