Rest in me, says the Lord.

I’m having a hard time doing that. Hard? No, that’s not quite right. I’m a writer, let me pick a different word—a power word—a word that really describes how hard of a time I’m having.

How about impossible?

I’m having an impossible time resting in You, Lord.

My life is swirling, moving forward, requiring my time, thought and attention. I live with four people who call me wife, mother, driver, cook, laundress, teacher, counselor, organizer. On the side—is four to six hours a day really on the side?—I pour out words on the page. Trying to start a career at forty. Trying to bless others with my struggles. Trying to learn to be better, stronger, faster.

Strangled. There’s another word. Today I feel strangled. I love what I do. All of it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t do it. I have no problem quitting things I hate. If I’m being honest, I should remove cook from my list of jobs above. More like prepar-er. Or drive thru-er. Since I try to avoid the kitchen as much as possible.

Today I read Psalms 1: 1–6 (NIV).

1 Blessed is the one

who does not walk in step with the wicked

or stand in the way that sinners take

or sit in the company of mockers,

2 but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,

and who meditates on his law day and night.

3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither—

whatever they do prospers.

4 Not so the wicked!

They are like chaff

that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,

nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,

but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

I love verse 3. The idea of being planted by a stream that doesn’t dry up, no matter how I’m feeling or what life has thrown at me, comforts me. I am going to hold onto that today. And maybe tomorrow.

If you’re feeling strangled, desperate for rest, I pray you find The Stream and plant yourself next to Him, dig in deep, grow some roots. And let God love on you today like I’m going to let Him love on me.

Lord,

Thank you for knowing just what I need. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Don’t let me miss out on any of Your blessings because I’m so busy not resting that I miss them.