I’ve been doing some soul digging. {Hence my brief absence.}  I have walked into the basement of my own heart and surveyed the contents.

 

There is some stuff that has to go.

 

 

 

I love these photographs.  I can almost feel the girls squeezing me tight. But there’s another memory. 

 

 

 

 

Connie came over to take photos of my girls that summer day for a local children’s shop. We painted fingernails and brushed their hair just right.  I watched as they posed and twirled and smiled for the camera. 

 

I didn’t expect to be photographed with them.

 

Connie asked me to sit down with the girls on our front stoop while she took some candid shots. I was horrified. I squirmed and tried to wiggle out of it. You know, smiling politely and faking humility but on the inside dying of embarrassment!

 

I did NOT want to be photographed. For crying out loud, I wasn’t fixed right. {All you Southern girls know what I mean by that.} I mean, you could look at my face and tell that I didn’t have on any makeup. Ok, maybe a little mascara, but my hair wasn’t combed right. I was barefoot in old jeans.  

 

Oh…did Connie ever catch me off guard! And when she did, she unearthed something buried deep.

 

 Fear.  Fear of what others think of me.  Fear of rejection.  All kinds of fear. 

 

Fear has been nipping at my heels and gnawing at my insides for most of my life.  It’s what has driven me to be…be…be… and do… do… do…

 

It’s the force behind striving, drivenness and performance. It tells you that you’re not good enough, smart enough and pretty enough. 

 

Never enough.

 

Fear robs.  It steals our joy. It has to go.

 

All these years later, the photos have never been developed. I think it’s time to have them blown up.  

 

In the Old Testament, when the Lord delivered Israel from their enemies, they would lay down a stone as a memorial of what the Lord had done. An Ebenezer.

 

Now Samuel was offering up the burnt offering, and the Philistines drew near to battle against Israel.  But the Lord thundered with a great thunder on that day against the Philistines and confused them, so that they were routed before Israel.  The men of Israel went out of Mizpah and pursued the Philistines, and struck them down as far as below Beth-car.  Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.”  So the Philistines were subdued and they did not come anymore within the border of Israel. And the hand of the Lord was against the Philistines all the days of Samuel.

1 Samuel 7:10-13 NASB

 

 

 

 

 

This is mine.  I’m setting it down right here.

 

 

{Photos courtesy of Fox Mountain Photography}