Dear Swillpit,

Don't write to me whining about your difficulties weaning the creature off Him.

This work is rarely easy or quick. Indeed, it may take years of patient conditioning to get him to the event horizon of Hell. But I'll let you in on a little secret that can significantly shorten the timeframe: Include a "what's in it for me NOW" in your daily whisperings.

A child who is coaxed to learn his multiplication tables so that one day he can be gainfully employed, may or may not apply himself to the task. But the child who understands that good marks result in positive attention from his teacher and parents has manifest motivation to master something that, as far as he can see, has no immediate value.

Countless earthlings, charmed by the lofty ideals of the "authentic life" and "oneness," have explored the noble paths of nihilism and spiritualism. Yet few remain long on those paths without experiencing some near-term, personal benefits. Note: Benefits that feed their carnal appetite are particularly effective!

I remember the report of Direwag, who used to work the university scene. During one term, he applied his devilish energies on four first-year philosophy students at once. And what a smashing time he had! Nearly every week, one of them would approach the professor with a new ethical system he imagined had emanated from his own cranium. Underlying the promise of global peace and plenty were novel syllogisms that, without fail, warranted free libidic expression. (Never underestimate how creative they can be when it comes to justifying their sexual exploits and removing the guilt associated with them!)

Week after week, the professor politely explained to the budding ethicists that their systems were nothing but Epicureanism with a facelift. The teaching moment had an unexpected, and completely welcomed, effect, thanks to Direwag's skillful handling. Instead of dampening their spirits, it bolstered them. The realization that they had come up with the same ideas as the venerable ancients, fed their intellectual hubris while affirming their confidence in a moral code validating their rutting passions, all for the noble goal of universal harmony, of course.

I am proud to report that all four are firmly in our Father's grip. Oh, if we only had a thousand Direwags filling today's classrooms! ...Continue reading here.