That’s not the way to do it! Men are notorious for not showing and sharing their love and for having an “I want to be served” attitude. But even Jesus did not come to be served but to serve (Mark 10:45), and that’s the attitude we are to express in our families.

One problem in family relationships that also occurs in our church relationships is unrealistic expectations. Have you heard about Husband-Mart? In this fictional store a woman can choose her ideal husband from many options. The store has six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends each flight. But there is a catch, because once a shopper decides to leave a floor and go up to the next one, she can’t go back down except to exit the building.

So one woman comes to the Husband-Mart to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads, “These men have jobs!” The woman says, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s available further up?”

So up the elevator she goes to the second floor, where the sign reads, “These men have jobs and love kids.” The woman likes this because she wants to have a family. But she also figures that if it’s this good already, it can only get better. Sure enough, the third-floor sign says, “These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking.” Now the woman is really getting excited, but she figures it will only keep getting better.

So she heads on up to the fourth floor, where the sign says, “These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, and help with the housework.”

“Incredible!” the woman exclaims. “This is very tempting, but there must be something even better on the fifth floor,” and she keeps moving up. To her delight, the fifth floor is better: “These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.”

Well, by now this woman is so ecstatic that she thinks to herself, Just imagine what must be waiting for me on the last floor! So up to the sixth floor she goes and steps out of the elevator with great excitement, only to be greeted with this sign: “You are visitor number 3,456,789,012. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at Husband-Mart.”

The Husband-Mart, or the Wife- or Child-Mart for that matter, would be a good joke if it weren’t so true. Developing healthy relationships in your family is much like developing a healthy body through exercise. You have to start where you are, set realistic goals for progress, and then work faithfully with what you’ve got to get from where you are to where you want to be. Start expecting the best from the people you love, and watch your relationships develop.

I use the term marketplace to describe our relationships in business and public life because it has a wider connotation than business alone. You don’t have to have a job or own a business to relate to people in the marketplace. The apostle Paul was also conscious of the importance of these relationships as he instructed believers how to be fit for life. He wrote to the Philippians, “Let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ” (1:27).