And there is nothing wrong with any of these rules—unless we let them rob our lives of passion. The rules can become demands that take away the depth, vitality and thrill of life. In pursuing the things we ought to do, we often lose track of what we want to do. The rules end up controlling us rather than helping us control our lives.

Our quest for control also tempts us to acquire power over others because we assume that power equals control. Power and control seem to be potential avenues of meaning in life; they give us joy and a feeling of significance. Experiencing the opposite, being pushed around by forces and people outside of ourselves, makes us feel our lives are ruled by chance and are therefore without meaning.

Noah is a good example of the way people attempt to control their worlds. Noah believes he is a Christian, but he really is a stock analyst; his job is his source of meaning. His passion is the hunt for information to make a deal that will not fail. He gives himself deeply to what provides him a sense of power and control over his life. He spends considerable time prowling the Internet and reading reports in his area of expertise. He loves the chase, loves winning over others.

Noah goes to a regular Bible study not because he wants to learn about the Bible, but because he wants to please his wife and do what’s “right.” He has taken on many of the values of religious people because it is easier to be on the side of the majority rather than to suffer the judgment of those with whom he might differ. And this arrangement seems to be working for Noah. He doesn’t have to think in areas that trouble him. Instead, he is free to dabble in faith, know he has heaven ahead, and then focus his considerable talents on the real task: waging war at work.

Noah avoids what makes him feel uncomfortable. Like many men, Noah has found one area in which he excels, and he spends the vast majority of his waking thought and energy there. Consequently, he avoids his family and relationships in general. And when he is not at war in his work, he loves to sleep. In sleep nothing is required of him and life works, at least to a degree. Even Noah’s sleeping is a way for him to control his world.

Is Control Bad?

It’s not just Noah. Most of us live with the myth that we ought to be able to control our lives. So we work harder and plan more efficiently. Is that a bad thing?

No. Control is not necessarily a bad thing. Indeed, the Bible encourages us to exert control in several areas.

The book of Proverbs, for example, encourages us to plan for the future. Planning involves using our mental power in order to control what will happen to us. Planning is never precise and is always full of risks, according to Proverbs, but failing to plan is simply irresponsible: “Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success” (Proverbs 15:22). And when we submit those plans to the Lord, he will bless them: “Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3).