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<< Discover the Book, with Dr. John Barnett

Discover the Book - Nov. 18, 2007

  • 2007 Nov 18

Grace-Energized-Wives Love Their Husbands

Conclusion Part 3 continued from November 17th


For some women in the Roman world this was a relief as they did not have to “perform” sexually on a regular basis for their husbands. But the emotional and relational super-glue that the sexual dimension of the marital relationship produced was thus absent. God designed marriage in the Garden of Eden to cause a man to “cleave” to his wife, which literally means to be glued together. 


Salvation stopped the immorality in most believing men’s lives back then, but salvation did not make them or their wives instantly close, intimate, and life-sharing friends and lovers.  

Just as modern pre-marital moral laxity has scarred many young couples into a troubled, often superficial marital relationship, so were most of the marriages of the New Testament church.


What was Paul’s Spirit prompted answer? What was to be the way to solve the distant, detached, and constantly tempted husband daily buffeted with the overpowering allurements of the flagrantly immoral Roman culture?  


Christ led Paul to deploy a legion of older-in-the-faith, godly women energized by grace to go from house to house, become a close and trusted friend of those young wives, and train them in how to become their husband’s best, closest, dearest, and most intimate friends.  


Physical or sexual love without romance is soon empty and meaningless; and as Solomon (who had a lot of experience) said, soon becomes “Like gravel in the mouth” (Proverbs 20:17). Paul knew that to protect those newly believing husbands and fathers from the tidal waves of temptation, they must have a vibrant, attractive, satisfying emotional and physical relationship with their wife.  


Husbands who are drawn to think about and want to see their wife throughout a day away from home are protected from attraction and distraction by a wicked world about them. Paul told Titus that to fill the church with loving, caring, romantic wives who love their husbands in this Biblical way came through the example and training of the godly, older, grace energized women who faithfully taught and modeled that only God’s grace can enable these younger women to act consistently that way. 


What are some practical steps a Titus two woman mentoring a younger woman in the faith would teach? Here are some simple habits that a godly older woman actually sat down and taught my own wife when we were newlyweds living in California.  

First, this godly Titus two woman sat Bonnie down and said there are three specific choices that make a wonderful start: 


  1. Decide that you will make your own husband your number one most important human relationship of life over all others including your parents, brothers, sisters, and friends.
  2. Start to seek your husband’s friendship and love ahead of all other human relationships, including your children.
  3. Begin examining your lifestyle and schedule to see if you are intentionally “spoiling your husband rotten” if you are doing so as a way of life, then you can be sure that you are his best friend and are truly “loving” your husband.  


Then she said let me explain what you can do to maintain such a high calling from God to love your husband. I still have the actual notes Bonnie was given of simple but powerful ways to cultivate and grow her love for me.  


These truths worked and they may also help each of you in your love for your own husband: 

  1. Pray for your husband daily.
  2. Plan for him daily things like: special acts of kindness, special dinners, special times alone, special meals alone, early bedtimes for the children, going to bed at the same time.
  3. Prepare for him daily: prepare your heart with being clothed with God’s love; prepare the house; prepare your appearance; prepare your greeting; set the table; clear out all visitors; stay off the phone; pray for his arrival.
  4. Please him daily.
  5. Protect your time with him.
  6. Physically love him, let him know that you are available at any time that would please him.
  7. Positively respond to him.
  8. Praise him.
  9. Pray without ceasing. 


One of my dear friends has a course he teaches to mentor couples in Biblical love and respect. He always reminds them that each time a wife acts this way there is a spiritual deposit in her account in the Bank of Heaven. Women are rewarded for such love poured out upon their own husbands[4]. 


God commands us in Proverbs to be intoxicated by the love of our partner (Proverbs 5:18-19). If you are married and not intoxicated by the love of your partner, you are missing the best marriage possible.  


Go back and by God’s grace rekindle the blessing, edifying, sharing, and touching that always builds a strong, close, encouraging partnership for life. Be a beacon of Christ's love reflecting to an empty and hopeless world that true love is possible and can be shared for as long as you live. 


The greatest priority in a home should be love. If a wife loved her husband and her children, she was well on the way to making the marriage and the home a success. In our Western society, a man and a woman fall in love and then get married; but in the East, marriages were less romantic. Often the two got married and then had to learn to love each other. (Eph. 5:18-33 is probably the best Scripture for a husband and wife who really want to love each other in the will of God.) 


Godly women live as a priest for God, with guarded tongues and no excesses, with visible integrity, as earnest mentors of--wives who are their husband’s best friend. 

[1]  Christ's church has a mission that Paul summarized as pleasing God (I Thessalonians 4:1). This mission is accomplished by the proclamation of a message Paul summarized as the gospel of grace (Acts 20:24). The message of grace—that God did everything possible to be done and anyone can come to Him merely by faith seems impossible. But the most amazing part of all that the Lord is doing is His plan to do all this by a method is spelled out in Titus 2:11-14—Paul summarized as energized by God’s grace to live in a way that is otherwise impossible.

[2]  John MacArthur, Different By Design, (Wheaton,: Victor Books) Marriage and Divorce (electronic edition), Logos.

[3]  Adapted from Elizabeth George, A Woman after God’s Own Heart, Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 1997, chapters 7, 10, and 11.

[4]  The classic book on Christian marriage by Ed Wheat summarized the marriage God wants us to have in 4 rules to be followed contained in the acronym BEST. For the best marriage possible live God’s way by a series of small choices: Blessings, Edifying, Sharing, Touching. Wheat defines these areas as: Blessing: means to speak well of your husband or wife, show kindness towards them, express gratitude and thankfulness for all they do, and pray for God’s richest blessings upon them. Edifying: means to build them up. A husband does this by praying his wife; and the wife does this by seeking to respond in a positive way towards her husband. Sharing: means always looking for how to do things together like—listening to each other, admiring each others accomplishments, learning more about each other’s likes and dislikes, investigating ways to please each other, and finally reporting on your day to each other so they share your life. Touching: means to just like to be as close to the one you love as is physically possible. Either remember what you were like when you were dating your wife, or notice some young couple headed towards marriage. They intentionally just can’t stay apart, they laugh, talk, look at each other, hold hands ever moment possible, sit as close together as possible, and so on.  At that stage they can face any problem and go on because they are so strengthened by the warmth and depth of their love.




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