November 20, 2008
What if I Don’t Want to Trust?
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…”
Proverbs 3: 5 (NIV)
I hated middle school. It was one of the worst times of my life. I constantly felt my life was like one of those snow globes. As soon as things would settle and seem normal, something would come along, turn life upside down, and pieces of my scattered world were suddenly tumbling all around me.
Interestingly enough, my daughter who is in middle school right now, collects snow globes. Oh, the ironies of life. And her life has taken some upside down turns lately. Friendships, academics, emotions - they all seemed to be in constant upheaval.
I know a lot of this is normal for middle school. I've lived through the angst of these years with my two sons and my oldest daughter. But with this particular child, I was sensing a change was going to be needed.
For over 3 years, she has been attending a small Christian school that I love. The classes are small. The students get lots of attention and hands on learning. And they start everyday with a beautiful devotion time. This seemed to me, to be the very best environment for her to be in.
But this year, things just started falling apart. Doors started closing. And as much as I wanted to force the doors to stay open and to make things work for her in this small schooling environment, I knew I had to back off. I love to fix things... a.k.a. control things to make them easier to deal with.
Then the Lord started challenging me to turn all my fix-it energy to prayer and embrace what He was doing. I won't lie, it was very hard.
Things unfolded that I didn't want. Tears were shed over things I could have fixed, but knew the Lord was challenging me not to. And then one day my precious, full-of-life girl refused to get out of bed and go back to school.
So, I embraced another option. The option the Lord had been impressing on my heart that I'd been so resistant to even consider. I took her by the hand and walked her into the halls of our local public middle school containing over 1,400 kids.
I got her enrolled and watched the tears roll down her cheeks as it was time for me to leave her in her first class.
I pressed a card full of handwritten Bible verses into her back pack that I had also doused with my perfume that morning. I reminded her that every time she smelled it, to remember the many, many prayers I'd be praying for her all throughout the day. I gave one last hug and walked away.
Everything in me wanted to run back and whisk her away. I think just about everything in her wanted me to do some whisking as well. But I knew the Lord was challenging both of us to embrace this. To trust Him. To lean not on our own understanding but to press into His.
And you know what? She survived.
She got into her big brother's car that afternoon where I was waiting on his cell phone. Breathlessly she exclaimed, "It was great. I made two new friends but I don't remember their names. I didn't like my first or last class but I can deal with those. I loved everything else."
Now, I'm no fool. I know there will be hard days to come. But our plan is to keep embracing what God has for her today. To trust Him with today. And then tomorrow. And then the next day.
Dear Lord, forgive me for sometimes having a hard time trusting Your plans. Forgive me for trying to lean on my own understanding rather than embracing Yours. Help my faith and trust in You grow, day by day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Visit Lysa TerKeurst’s blog
What Happens When Women Say Yes to God by Lysa TerKeurst
The Bathtub is Overflowing but I Feel Drained by Lysa TerKeurst
What are you having to trust God with right now?
Visit Lysa’s blog for more practical thoughts on trusting God.
One day at a time. We can't let fears or worries over tomorrow steal our joy for today.
One prayer at a time. We can't forget the source for all wisdom, perspective and peace is but a prayer away.
One step of faith at a time. If I'm going to call myself a woman of faith, I'm going to have to be willing to live a life that actually requires a little bit of faith.
Off to write some more verses and spray some more perfume...
Jeremiah 17:7, “"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.” (NIV)
John 14:1, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” (NIV)
© 2008 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
Matthews, NC 28105