School is about to start again and I always think about the kids who don’t get to sit at the “cool” table. A song popped up on the iPod that made me think about my prayer for these precious young souls. “My Wish” by Rascal Flatts offers a lot of lyrical wisdom and a wonderful sentiment.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold…
As a parent you wish your child could avoid heartbreak and pain but the truth is nobody gets out of this journey unscathed. So you try to prepare them to deal with the inevitable bumps of life.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
Recently I wrote to a young lady who was beginning to navigate high school while figuring out how her new found faith in Jesus factored in. I shared with her some things I wished I had known way back then.
1. I wish I had known that my high school years did not define me AT ALL.
My teen years were a mixed bag of memorable highs and incredible lows. Now I realize that what I once considered some of the worst moments of my life I am now grateful for experiencing. In many of those spiritual valleys you could not have begun to convince me that God was molding me or that those experiences could ever be of value. I knew the scripture just as you likely do…that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.
Do we know His attributes? Do we believe (really believe) His promises? If we do, then we must accept the troubles and “we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good”. Romans 8:28 (MsgB)
I have developed a heart of compassion for those who are wounded. Why? God gave me the privilege of being wounded early in my life. That sounds crazy as I read back over that last sentence. It is not a sentence that I would have written twenty or perhaps even ten years ago. But I can see that my struggles as an overweight, geeky and generally outcast adolescent molded my heart to empathize with those who are hurt and ostracized by their peers.
Had I been the coolest guy or the best athlete or the most handsome I most likely would not have developed a sensitive spirit to others. So God gave me the opportunity on all of those fronts to develop sensitivity. I did not enjoy that period of my life. I would have given anything at that time to be one of the really popular kids. I would have told you that I would gladly trade nearly anything on the spot to be the starting quarterback or the big man on campus. I was desperate to be part of the cool group. With the benefit of hindsight I can promise you that I am grateful for every refining difficulty and problem. Such a dramatic change in attitude is a matter of time, growth in my relationship with Jesus and my trust in the truth of His promises. As G.K.Chesterton wryly noted, “Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.” Had I been freed the burden of my “hump” (that tough teenage passage), I would not be who I am today.
So I hope your experience right now is better than mine. But if it is not or if it changes in the future, always remember that God is in control, He loves you more than you can fathom, and He will work it for good even if you cannot see it at the time.
2. I wish I had known that I needed to decide in advance what I would do in tough situations
Most of my mistakes as a teen were made in moments of peer pressure that I was not prepared to address. Joni and I tried to teach our sons that you decide in advance what your response will be to temptation. Decide in advance that you will call for a ride when asked to get in the car with a drinking driver. Decide in advance to not get yourself into a situation where sexual temptation will be an issue. Decide in advance that you will be kind to the less popular no matter how the “cool” kids view that action. Decide in advance to trust God as you make decisions that you fear might lessen your popularity or status. In the moment you tend to make wrong decisions so make them in advance and then stand firm.
3. I wish I had known that every person is created in God’s image…and He loves them just as much as He loves me
Sparky Anderson, a former Cincinnati Reds manager, once said that “you can never go wrong being classy.” And you can never go wrong being kind to everyone. Sometimes you will be tempted to ridicule or tease those who are less attractive, intelligent, gifted, or cool. Don’t do it. When I went to my 25th reunion (ouch) I observed something interesting. Some of those “losers” are the “winners” now. They have wonderful families and lives. Some of the kids I was desperate to be like are still living off of moldy high school memories. High school is the start of a very long journey. Some people seem to be leading the life race coming out of high school. The real winners know that life is a marathon and that God has a plan for that long race. Be kind to everyone. Jesus loves them. And so should you.
4. I wish I had known that nothing outside of who I am in Christ can make me cool
There is nothing wrong with desiring to wear clothes and shoes that are fashionable. There is nothing wrong with being in activities that are popular. But it is wrong to think that those clothes or shoes or activities make you better than others. I really wish I had known that going along with the group and doing wrong things did not make me cool. I wish I had realized in high school that people look at those things but God looks on the heart. It is your heart that makes you who you are, not your outfit or activities or “rebellious” moments.
5. I wish I had known in high school that I needed to take responsibility for my own actions
Learn now to say these three sentences.
I was wrong.
I am sorry.
And keep your “but” out of those statements. Don’t say “I was wrong ‘but’ I didn’t think it would hurt you” or “I am sorry ‘but’ I was having a bad day.” Those are not real apologies. Take responsibility. Live with integrity. That will make you unique in this culture!
6. I wish I had known in high school that the 2nd most important decision I would make is who my friends were
Your friends have an influence on who you are and who you become. Pick them carefully. Young Christians often think they can influence their friends for Christ if they keep hanging out with them. Be careful that you don’t lose the balance of fellowship and encouragement of Christian friends. Prayerfully seek a balance between the two. But understand that friends are a critical factor in your life and they will influence who you are…good or bad.
7. The most important decision I will ever make is who or what I worship
I did figure this one out to some extent in high school. Everyone one worships something or someone. It can be money or power or fame or popularity. I believe we are created to worship God. We have a yearning from our birth to find our purpose and significance. But if you don’t find that relationship in Christ you will tend to fill it with wrong things. Often those things are not inherently bad. But they can become bad things when they become the focus instead of Jesus. We used to sing a camp song with these lyrics..
Seek ye first the kingdom of God
And His righteousness
And all these things shall be added unto you
There is nothing wrong with these “things” when you seek the kingdom of God first. One of my favorite passages is in the book of Colossians. Paul outlines what it looks like to be a real Christian. Living these five little verses will change your life.
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colossians 3, NLT)