You Didn't Cause It
"We are tempted by our own desires that drag us off and trap us."James 1:14 CEV
Thoughts for Today
If you are struggling with codependency--or want to avoid falling into its trap--you need to understand "The Three Cs."
- You didn't cause your loved one's life-controlling problem.
- You can't control it.
- You can't cure it.
You may blame yourself for your loved one's addiction or other life-controlling problem, but you need to accept the fact that you did not cause it. The Bible tells us that each person is drawn into sin by his or her own desires.
Feeling that you are responsible for your loved one's behavior can cause you to experience low self-worth. You need to understand that your loved one is responsible for the choices that have led to his or her problems, no matter what the circumstances may be.
None of us live in a perfect environment. Parents make mistakes. Spouses sometimes let us down. Friends may treat us badly. But we each have choices about how we will respond to adversity. We can blame other people for our choices, but they are not responsible. God gives us each opportunity to do right and has promised His help--if we want it.
No matter what the circumstances, you have not caused your loved one's problem. He or she has made wrong choices. If you live in guilt over their choices, your own behavior will be controlled by your guilt. You may excuse rather than encourage them to face their mistakes. You may continually bail them out rather than let them suffer the consequences of poor choices. And so the poor choices will continue.
Ask God to help you see the reality of the situation. Ask Him to help you let go of the guilt.
Father, I know I've been blaming myself for my loved one's life-controlling problem. Your Word says that each person is responsible for his or her own choices. Help me to absorb that truth and to let go of the guilt. In Jesus' name …
These thoughts were drawn from…
Concerned Persons: Because We Need Each Other by Jimmy Ray Lee, D.Min. This group is designed for the many people who have a current or past relationship with a person who has a life-controlling problem.
· It emphasizes the need we all have for each other.
· It helps people focus on Christ rather than on the problem.
· It serves as a powerful evangelistic tool by providing a way to minister to people's felt needs and then pointing them to Christ.
Note: This curriculum was written especially for small groups, and we encourage people to use it that way. However, it can also be used effectively as a study for individuals or couples.
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