Focus on the Action, Not the Actor
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. Romans 5:8 NIV
Thoughts for Today
As we discussed yesterday, caring confrontation of a loved one with a life-controlling problem is an effective way to help them see themselves as they really are. It will help you chip away, bit by bit, at the wall of delusion that prevents them from seeing the reality of the downward spiral of their destructive behavior.
One important element in this kind of confrontation is to focus on the action, not on the actor. When God looked at us in our sin, he didn't label us "bad" and give up on us. He focused on providing a way to take away our sin. He sent his only son Jesus to die on the cross and pay the price for our sins. And so we need to love this person in the midst of their sin, and focus on addressing the sinful action and helping them come to Jesus in repentance.
Be careful not to criticize or label your loved one as "bad." Instead, focus on the behaviors that are causing the problem. When he or she tries to use a defense like rationalizing or anger or denial, always bring the discussion back to the behaviors. Your emphasis should be on what your loved one does, rather than any sort of personal attack.
It is important to focus on observations and facts instead of what you think or imagine. Make statements about what you have actually seen and heard and not on any conclusions you have drawn personally. And, of course, be sure to pray before confronting your loved one. Ask God to prepare both of you. With his help, you can do this. With his guidance you can help your loved one tear down the wall of delusion and begin a path to healing and restoration.
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