Moments Together for Couples 7/9

by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Philippians 3:14
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I have five suggestions for helping your mate dig through the attic of the past and focus on the future:

First, work with your spouse to get the problem fully on the table. Talk about how your parents treated you and ask your mate to share his or her experiences. Be patient. Talking about these things can be very painful. Affirm and strengthen your mate by listening, and by expressing your own acceptance.

Second, help your mate understand his or her parents. Talk together about them and put their lives in proper perspective. Remind your mate that his or her parents probably did the best they could.

Third, give your mate the perspective that God's grace and power is greater than his or her parents' mistakes. No matter how bad a person's home was, God delights in resurrecting damaged self-images and restoring dignity to such people. Talk about the overwhelming power of grace, and express your confidence and belief in the greatness of God's love and acceptance.

Fourth, encourage your mate to forgive his or her parents-completely. You may need to first talk this out as a couple. A qualified counselor may be needed if you feel you cannot help your mate get on top of this emotionally charged area and forgive his or her parents.

Finally, help your mate determine how he or she will respond to his or her parents. He has no control over how he was treated as a child, but he does have control over how he will relate to them today. Bring his focus to what they did right, and how you both are the benefactors. Help him think of ways he can honor his parents.

In some cases, it may take months or years for all the hurt to be brought out in the open. But if you're patient, and if you and your mate are willing to allow Jesus Christ to be Lord of this relationship, healing is possible.

Prayer:

If appropriate, tell God that you are willing to forgive and love your parents.

Discuss: What is a tangible way to forgive your parents?

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