Christian resources for your marriage, all free online at Crosswalk.com! Find Christian based information on situations that arise in any relationship between husband and wife. Learn about how we should treat our spouses according to the word of the Holy Bible. Other helpful resource topics include: Christian singles, parenting, homeschool, finances and debt.

Marriage Advice From A Christian Perspective

Honoring the 7th Commandment: 'Do Not Commit Adultery'

  • Bayless Conley Answers with Bayless Conley
  • 2008 10 Oct
  • COMMENTS
Honoring the 7th Commandment: 'Do Not Commit Adultery'

 

Editor's Note: Read about the other 9 Commandments of Marriage in Part I of this series: The 10 Commandments of Marriage 

The seventh commandment brings us to one of the most vital principles of having the marriage God intends.  Exodus 20:14 simply says,

“You shall not commit adultery.”

In a marriage, you would be hard pressed to imagine anything more damaging than your spouse being unfaithful.  But being faithful is not only being faithful in action, but also in thought.

Again, Jesus expanded on this in Matthew 5, and I want you to read these words very carefully.  He said, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Having a lustful, exploitive disposition has no place in marriage.  Love gives; lust takes.  Love serves; lust demands.  Love nourishes; lust chokes.

What a wonderful gift God has given us in this thing called sex.  It was His idea.  It is just as holy as when you lift your hands in church and worship Him.  It is God’s idea within the context and the confines of marriage.  It should be enjoyed.

But lust has no place in marriage.  It is a poison that will destroy the fabric of your relationship with your spouse.

Men, do not even entertain the thought of allowing pornography into your life.  It can destroy your marriage.  You are committing heart-adultery when you look at pornographic images and lust after another woman.  Do not let the devil have that ground in your heart and life.

This is such a vital command, we are going to stay on this subject for a little longer.  I will share with you three ways to affair-proof your marriage.

Affair-Proof Your Marriage with Positive Affirmation

The first way to affair-proof your marriage is to season your marriage with affirming communication.

In Song of Solomon 7:1-6 we read of how Solomon affirmed his bride,

How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince’s daughter!  The curves of your thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skillful workman.  Your navel is a rounded goblet; it lacks no blended beverage.  Your waist is a heap of wheat set about with lilies.  Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.  Your neck is like an ivory tower, your eyes like the pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim.  Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon which looks toward Damascus.  Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel, and the hair of your head is like purple; a king is held captive by your tresses.  How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights!

Solomon knew it was vital for him to compliment his bride’s body, because, as you read in chapter 1, it is evident that it was an area of insecurity for her.

This Shulamite was a country girl.  She said, “Do not look on me for I am dark.”  She was tan from working out in the vineyards.  And compared with the fair-skinned, pampered ladies of the court, she felt very insecure.

So Solomon very wisely builds her up in the area where she feels most insecure.

Speak affirming words to your mate rather than tear him or her down.  If your spouse is starved for positive affirmation, and it does not come from you, it opens a door of temptation.  The devil will send someone to give insincere compliments, and if a person is starved for it, they gravitate towards it.

Praise one another lavishly.  It is an important thing to do.

Affair-Proof Your Marriage with Companionship

The second way to affair-proof your marriage: being a companion to your spouse, spending time together just enjoying each other’s company.

Back in Song of Solomon 7 we read this in verses 10-13,

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages.  Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom.  There I will give you my love.  The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved.

Notice that Solomon and his bride just hung out together.  It was a vital part of their relationship.  And so must it be for any thriving marriage.          

If you have drifted apart, I suggest you each make a list of things you like to do, or things that you might like to try.  It could be anything from antique hunting, going to garage sales, taking walks, bicycling, fishing, going to museums, watching football, shopping, gardening, snorkeling, reading, sky diving, cooking, hiking, puzzles, photography, whatever.

Once you have made your lists, compare them and see where things overlap.  Then find two or three things, and endeavor to do those things together.  Have fun together.

Set time apart to do at least one activity together every couple of weeks.  If you have kids, get a babysitter so it is just the two of you.  It will be the best gift you could give your children.

If you do not do things together, you will find yourselves drifting apart.

Affair-Proof Your Marriage Through Intimacy

The third way to affair-proof your marriage is by making intimacy a priority.    

Let me take you back to the Scripture we read yesterday, Song of Solomon 7:10-13,

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages.  Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom.  There I will give you my love.  The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved.

These verses paint a beautiful picture of intimacy between a husband and wife.  Couples need to have physical intimacy.  In fact, the New Testament commands the husband and wife not to deprive one another except by mutual consent, and then only if they are going to fast and pray.

So how do you create an atmosphere of intimacy?  It starts with affirming your spouse.  Notice that Solomon has been affirming his wife, complimenting her, building her up.

Now guys, you need to understand that women are wired differently than you.  In order for a woman to be intimate, she needs to speak and be spoken to.  You have to create an atmosphere for intimacy.

For most husbands, they just catch a glimpse of their wife in the shower and they are ready to go.  But for women, it starts differently than that.  She is aroused by words, sincere words, and it usually starts around breakfast time.

Take time today to create an atmosphere of intimacy.  If you do, you will be on your way to experiencing true intimacy.

What are the results of deliberate effort to foster intimacy?

Solomon has been complimenting his wife and affirming her.  Look at her response to that affirmation in Song of Solomon 7:10,

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.

She is digging it!  She is saying, “He really loves me!”  Solomon’s affirmation of his bride has created this atmosphere of intimacy.  And look what she says next in verse 11,

Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages.

She is grabbing Solomon’s hand and saying, “Let’s get a hotel room!”  Then there are verses 12-13,

Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom.  There I will give you my love.  The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved.

Friend, catch what is going on.  Solomon has affirmed his wife saying, “Honey, you are beautiful!  I am so glad I married you.  I married out of my league.  You are wonderful.  Your body is great.  I am so happy!”

Her response?  “Wow, he loves me.  I’ll tell you what, let’s go away and have a little love vacation.  Let’s take a few days off.”  That is enough to get any husband inspired to rent a hotel room!

If you want to affair-proof your marriage, make intimacy a priority!

Answers with Bayless Conley broadcasts practical teachings of the Bible to its viewers in a non-religious way. For years, Bayless Conley struggled with drugs and alcohol while searching for answers. It was not until he was more than 20 years of age that a 12-year-old boy showed him the powerful reality of a relationship with Christ. Since 1979, the Lord has opened the television airwaves to the Answers program, which currently airs each week in more than 100 nations around the world.