More Than Friends... But Less Than a Romance?
- Thursday, September 20, 2012
"Friendationship"...What is That?
The Urban Dictionary says that Friendationship is “the state of a relationship wherein the two people are clearly ‘more than friends’ but won't admit or don't know if they are a ‘couple’ or not.” There are several people online that say they coined the word including a good friend of mine who is a successful singer and writer. Several years ago I was sitting with her in a Dallas, TX coffeehouse (we were both in town speaking at different Churches) drinking a strong cup of decaf when I heard her talked about her friendationship. I was like, what did you just say? She went on to say you know, Christian friends with or without benefits depending on how you define it. You are somewhere between a friendship and a committed relationship. You aren't going forward or backward. You are somewhat stuck. She had decided she wanted out. She was tired of this in between place. She wanted more.
So why would anyone want to be in a friendationship? Why would anyone want to be stuck? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship whether friend or romantic without knowing where you stand and where you are going? I decided to do some research on the subject. I was so amazed at how many people are in these relationships. But my question to all of them was… why?
Here are some of their answers:
1. “Being in the middle is safe.”
So many singles are afraid to take the next step in their relationship. Part of this is because if you are a Christian and are in a committed relationship, the next step should be marriage. For some, they are simply not ready. So instead, they stay in this middle of road, the safe place. The place where there is no real responsibility.
Biblically, Christians have no reason to casually date. We should either engage in friendship or in courtship for marriage. This does not mean that every person that you have a commitment relationship with you will marry. It just simply means there is no middle of the road. You are either just friends or dating for the purpose of seeking marriage. You both know and understand where you are in the relationship. You are trusting the Lord for your friendship and where it might lead.
Proverbs 3:5-6Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Colossians 3:23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters...
Proverbs 16:3Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Psalms 37:3-7Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.
2. “I can enjoy the benefits... without the commitment.”
Doesn't this kind of thinking reflect a life without Christ? I couldn't believe that people actually would admit this to me. But for some, their walk is either weak or they simply do not care about the other person. This has to be one of the most selfish ways to live. From my own experience, I think being alone is so hard that people are willing to take anything beyond a friendship (hopefully without having sex) to get their needs met.
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